Would you support or go against the Divorce Bill?

This entry is a continuation of my previous entry, The Other Side of the Coin.

Yes, I am aware that the Philippines allow legal separations and annulments. Read my previous blogs, What is Legal Separation? and What is Annulment?
In the Philippines, for couples who want to dissolve their union, there are two options, which are annulment and legal separation.
I have defined and differentiated the two from divorce in my previous blog.

Both are options are flawed. In legal separations, everything but the marriage is dissolved. Quite literally, the couple remains married only on paper. In an annulment, you must prove that your reason for wanting to nullify the marriage existed even before the marriage--this requires one to declare and prove that his or her partner is incapable of functioning as wife or husband.

The most commonly used reason for an annulment is “psychological incapacity.” It requires that you prove that your spouse (or both of you) is indeed psychologically incapable of performing the responsibilities that come with being married. In legal terms, that means presenting evidence that proves this allegation. To back up your claim, you need to get a psychological report which can be expensive.

Because of the separation of Church and State, getting a civil annulment will only mean that your civil union has been dissolved. This is fine if you were married in City Hall, but if you had a church wedding, this means that your church union is still intact. To nullify your church wedding, you need to go through the whole process again, this time with the archdiocese. This action will cost more and take longer.

Many opt to get only a civil annulment, but the drawback is that if you chose to re-marry, you cannot do it in church.

The cost of proving grounds for an annulment, such as psychological incapacity, requires the hiring of specialists and the like, which can cost thousands of pesos--not something everyone can afford.

Clare Padilla, Executive Director of EnGenderights, an NGO that provides legal services, pointed out that the current situation [no clear law on divorce] puts wives in abusive relationships in a bind: “Many women end up cohabiting with their current partner without having their marriage nullified. And because of this, some women are dismissed from government service precisely because of these 'immorality issues.'”

I got these facts from http://www.femalenetwork.com/news-features/9-reasons-to-support-the-legalization-of-divorce-in-the-philippines

It is ironic that the Philippines is the only country that does not legalize divorce.

According to Atty. Fred Pamaos, the Philippines once had a law on divorce. “Before the Spanish colonial rule in the early 16th century, absolute divorce had been widely practiced among our ancestral tribes—the Tagbanwas of Palawan, the Gadang of Nueva Vizcaya, the Sagada and Igorot of the Cordilleras, the Manobo, Bila-an and Moslems of Visayas and Mindanao islands, to name a few.”

During the American period and Japanese occupation, some form of divorce was already in place. It was actually the 1950 Civil Code of the Philippines that abolished these laws.

Here is a fun fact. The Philippines actually allows divorce, however only for the Muslims. There is the so-called Code of Muslim Personal Laws of the Philippines. Note that there’s a catch! A man can divorce his wife, but a woman cannot divorce her husband.

I hope that I helped letting you see both the good and the bad side of divorce. I have said my own opinion. Now, it is your turn to decide.

Would you support or go against the Divorce Bill?

The Other Side of the Coin

In the world, the Philippines and the Vatican are the only places where divorce is still illegal. We all know that the Philippines is a Christian nation and how their Faith and their Culture strongly influences the Filipinos.

Divorce has always been a controversial issue and I believe that the only way to be enlightened and be knowledgeable on the topic.

According to the latest survey, five out of ten Filipinos are Pro Divorce, while one out of five are still undecided.

Personally, I say that I am against divorce and I have stated all of the reasons why I am in my previous blogs. However, when I hear or read the side of the people who are pro divorce, I tend to somehow switch sides. But in the end of the day, when you ask me I am still against.
But somehow, I guess I am still confused.

Whenever I hear, “What about those people who suffers from marital abuse? Who gets emotional and worse, physical abuse from their spouse?” I tend think twice.
Those people deserve to get their life back. Without divorce, there can not have a room for happiness and to move on.

But as I contemplate, I realized that the bill will help those people who suffers from marital abuse. It is when enough is enough. They can not play the role of a martyr in their whole life. They deserve to be happy and get rid of their abusive partners.

Another point that was raised was that the Church sees the divorce bill on a general perspective.
Maybe, we should just face the fact that not all marriages succeeds.
There are a lot of reasons why they do not succeed. Each couple has a story. Some couples have a lighter situation, but some have big situations.

There are physical abuse, sexual infidelity, irreconcilable differences and conflicting personalities, gross irresponsibility, loss of affection, and many other conflicts between the couple.
According to the website of Philippine Commission on Women, “physical injuries and/or wife battering remains to be the most prevalent case across the twelve-year period, from 1997–2009, accounting nearly half (45.5 percent) of all reported violence against women (VAW) cases nationwide.”

In the Philippines, spousal abuse and infidelity are not grounds for the annulment of marriage.

In the end, whether the divorce bill will be passed or not, both the husband and the wife should really fight for their marriage to last. I believe that we should trust the Filipinos with their values. I still believe that the Fear of the Lord and their Faith is the top priority. Moreover, there are some marriage counselors that can give the best advice to maintain a happy relationship.

Now, having all these said. I would now say that I am Pro Divorce.

Don’t get me wrong. I would agree on having divorce bill passed here in the Philippines for the sake of the marital abused.

I would not want people to suffer their whole life with the wrong person, and lose the happiness in their life.

Divorce In Another Perspective

Even if I am really against divorce, I still believe that both sides should be heard. There are two sides in everything. And I believe that everything should be weighed. Pros and cons should be considered to get the best result.

I somehow got the idea from http://socyberty.com/law/divorce-in-the-philippines/, who believes that divorce should be legalized here in the Philippines.

The Philippines is a predominantly Christian Culture. It is the largest Christian Culture of all of Asia. It was because of the Spanish influence during the colonial period. Filipinos are very religious and follow strict Catholic rules. It is in their culture. Filipinos also follow very strict Catholic inspired laws, one of which is Divorce being illegal. For the reason that marriage is sacred in the eyes of God and it is very wrong to do such a thing. The only other option one might take to end a marriage is Annulment which is very costly.

“Pro-Lifers” they like to call themselves are those who are against divorce and claim that it’s anti-life. They also claim that it isn’t all about religion and it’s just in the Filipino character to keep the family together. Well it’s Culture and of your own beliefs powered by religion that makes you think that way.
They show statistics that a family that stays together have happier and healthier children and I don’t doubt that for a second, I totally agree. But those are most likely statistics of happy families. Why would people Divorce if they are happy together?

As part of being Filipino, is having a colonial mentality. We always tend to compare ourselves to the United States. I guess this is because of the effects of the Television. We are too exposed on media and we believe that what we see is right. We tend to justify their acts because we get so familiar with it.
They look the 50% Divorce rate and they instantly think that it’s an easy process that people for piety reasons. What happen to the Filipino character that they talked about? I guess we can not just generalize everything. Even Filipinos, not everyone is a pure devoted catholic, and not everyone thinks that the United States is the better country that we should follow.

In Spain where the people who influence much of our culture, their divorce rate is 17% and in Italy where our beloved Pope lives their divorce rate is 12%. Why are we so sure that we are going to follow the path of the Americans? We should learn to love and look at our own culture for what it is.
Divorce doesn’t solve the problems of these people, but so is staying in a marriage you’ve tried hard to save but still failed. What’s more painful/unhealthy for the children: having parents who are perfectly fine with each other although they are not married anymore, or having parents who are always at each other’s throats for the simplest reasons?

Let people have a choice in what to do with our lives. Not everybody follows your own beliefs and attitudes. I know how to respect your faith, so why don’t you do the same with mine. That being said, I strongly believe that divorce should be legalized in the Philippines.

Philippines and Divorce

Divorce has always been a controversial issue.

Before I state my opinions, I will discuss a brief historical background on how divorce bill started here in the Philippines.

The divorce bill is not actually a new issue.

I got these hard facts from http://thewutzup.com/2011/06/21/divorce-in-the-philippines/

It has been controversial ever since it was mentioned in the Philippine Congress. Representative Manuel C. Ortega filed the House Bill No. 6993 way back in 1991 to endorse the divorce to be legal in the Philippines. In 2001, Senator Rodolfo G. Biazon and Bellaflor J. Angara-Castolla filed a similar matter under the Senate Bill no. 782 and House Bill no. 878, respectively. Then, in 2005, a party-list representative Liza Masa of Gabriela also filed a divorce bill and filed it again during the 14th congress under House Bill no. 3461 to introduce it in the Philippines.

Today, DIVORCE has been HOT TOPIC not only inside the congress but also throughout the Philippines especially in the rural areas. There are different opinions coming out that categorizing the supporters and non-supporters of the said bill. Even the government officials have different opinions regarding the House Bill no. 3461.

“It is bound to be another one contentious bill, but let me just say that I myself is in favor of the bill. (It’s) very difficult to let the people who cannot continue to live together. “– Feliciano Belmonte
“Let us not keep our country in the dark ages. I appeal to my colleagues in Congress to let the legislative mill run its course on the Divorce bill without further delay and give Filipino couples in irreparable and unhappy marriages this option.”- Luzviminda Ilagan

For the non-supporters of the said Bill, marriage is not only a legal union but also a sacred union between the man and woman bless by God. These two persons institute themselves as partner for their whole life and promise not to separate whatever happens. But for the supporters, there are unhappy marriages all over the Philippines. These marriages are not working so why not end it. So, divorce is the only option for them.

Of course, this is a no brainer, the Catholic Church is against the said Bill.
It is interesting to note that the Catholic church would oppose the legalization of divorce. Since, some other said Christian countries like America has already legalized divorce. Would they also support making divorce illegal in those countries?

Divorce is currently illegal here in the Philippines, and the Catholic church would like it to remain that way.

Each person has their own view and opinion on this hot and very controversial issue.
This matter will take time for the Philippines to sort out. It is also significant for the congress to know the opinions of their citizens. This will help them to decide if the country needs the Divorce Bill or not.

The best way is still to sort out the positive and the negative sides of divorce.

In my Opinion...

If you were reading my blog from the start, you would know that personally I am against divorce.
In this blog entry, I would discuss my position on the issue of legalizing divorce in the Philippines.
Divorce was defined as the final termination of a marital union, canceling the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage and dissolving the bonds of matrimony between the parties. In most countries, divorce requires the sanction of a court or other authority in a legal process. The legal process for divorce may also involve issues of spousal support, child custody, child support, distribution of property and division of debt.

If the definition of divorce was taken into a consideration, it sounds good as it can indeed save you from any dilemma whom a married individual could have been facing.  But if you were to assess it, it is simply an escape which could lead nothing to but abuse and a growing number of broken families. Ending a marriage would not solve the roots of the problem. It is just avoiding the problem, avoiding arguments and other issues. Being able to just escape from all pains as easy as that sounds really good. But it does not resolve anything. People should be matured and face their problems. Like for example, putting a bandaid on a wound would not disinfect it, it would just cover it. Wounds should be treated and cleaned before it can be covered. For some, especially those who are very much eager to get out of their marriage, would definitely say Yes!

However, they would later realized and we will know that we are actually developing ourselves into indecisive individuals. Why should we seriously consider something particularly getting married when applying for a divorce is as easy as a snap of a finger?  Well, actually not a snap of a finger.  I  know the costs, pains and damages the divorce can cause. I have said this in my previous blogs. But, you get my point. Have you also thought that if divorce is legalized, you would certainly no longer exert an “extra effort” to fix whatever problems you have with your spouse? Also, imagine the future generations. They would not take marriage seriously, since divorce is just there available when needed.

Another point I would like to raise is that the Philippines is a Christian-Catholic country. The Holy Matrimony should remain holy. It is not just a plain, worthless contract sign off when you feel like things are going out of its way, you can at anytime terminate it. The more that it is not just like changing clothes in your closet, and changing it anytime you want. It is normal for people to fight and have arguments. In this world, there is no perfect relationship. Arguments can even somehow make a relationship stronger and even better.

This is just my opinion and what I believe in. However, I still believe that even if the divorce bill was passed. I think that the Filipinos would not make use of this as an excuse to end marriage. I still believe that their faith and the fear of the Lord is stronger.

The Six Types of Divorce Part II

Here are the next four types of divorce.

3.The economic divorce—the division of money and property.
The division of assets can be difficult. Since two households are more expensive than one, you may have less money to cover expenses due to divorce. As a result, you may need to learn new financial skills. Set up a budget based on your current expenses and income. If needed, community resources can help you find employment opportunities. You also may be eligible for job training or educational assistance. Insurance (health and life) and retirement plans can become even more important after divorce.

4.The co-parental divorce—the negotiation of parenting following marital separation and establishment of the bi-nuclear family.
You must learn how to continue your role as a parent while letting go of your spousal role. You cannot control the actions of your child’s other parent. However, your children will adjust better if you shield them from post-marital conflicts between you and the other parent.

The amount of time you spend with your children may change following divorce. You may feel overwhelmed if you have primary responsibility for their care. You may feel that you don’t have adequate time for yourself as an adult. On the other hand, you may feel lonely and out of touch if you spend less time with the child/children following divorce.
You can be successful as a parent in a bi-nuclear family if you:

•Avoid criticizing the other parent in front of the children.
•Don’t use your child/children as messengers to the other parent.
•Schedule meetings in an open and neutral location where you can talk with the other parent about the child/children.
•Use mediation, if needed, to help you talk together.
•Don’t ask the child/children for information about the other parent.
•Don’t make your child/children your confidante(s).
•Seek out adult friends, family members, support groups, or counselors to fulfill this role.

5.The community divorce—the changes that occur in relationships with friends and the community.

As the divorce process continues you may receive less support from family and friends. You may feel as though fewer people are willing to help when you need them most. You may no longer feel comfortable around your married friends. The mutual friends that you and your former spouse shared prior to divorce may seem uncomfortable in your presence. They may not want to take sides.

You may feel nervous about starting to date again, especially if you haven’t dated for years. Support groups through your church, community, or work can help you establish new friendships. A divorce support group offers a setting where you can share your personal experiences with others. If you are not feeling good about yourself, consider seeking counseling to help build your self-esteem.

6.The psychological divorce—the process of mental separation and the development of your independence.

This is the “true” separation from the marital partner. At this point you learn to be self-supportive. You may develop insight as to the reasons why you decided to marry and divorce. Instead of spending time blaming another person for the divorce, you can spend your time adapting to the divorce as you learn about yourself and new ways to relate to others.

You know that you have adapted to divorce in a healthy manner if you:
•Have accepted that the marriage is over
•Have let go of the anger.
•Remember both the good and bad aspects of the marriage.
•Have made peace with the other parent of your children
and with yourself.
•Are realistic about how you contributed to the divorce.
•Have established a support network outside former marriage-related friendships. •Have developed future goals.
• Have allowed yourself time to heal before beginning another relationship.
•Are planning your life as a single person.

These information are brought to you by MK Lawler - pods.dasnr.okstate.edu

The Six Types of Divorce

Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. It can be contrasted with an annulment, which is a declaration that a marriage is void, though the effects of marriage may be recognized in such unions, such as spousal support or alimony, child custody, child support, and distribution of property.

In many developed countries, divorce rates increased markedly during the twentieth century. Among the states in which divorce has become commonplace are the United States, South Korea, and members of the European Union, with the exception of Malta (where all civil marriages are for life, because civil divorce is banned). In the USA, Canada, the United Kingdom, and some other developed Commonwealth countries, this divorce boom developed in the last half of the twentieth century. In addition, acceptance of the single-parent family has resulted in many women deciding to have children outside marriage, as there is little remaining social stigma attached to unwed mothers in some societies. Japan retains a markedly lower divorce rate, though it has increased in recent years. The subject of divorce as a social phenomenon is an important research topic in sociology.In fact, the statistics of a survey conducted by Citibank on divorce in the United States suggested that more than fifty percent of divorced couples cited money problems as the cause of their divorce

A divorce must be certified by a court of law, as a legal action is needed to dissolve the prior legal act of marriage. The terms of the divorce are also determined by the court, though they may take into account prenuptial agreements or postnuptial agreements, or simply ratify terms that the spouses have agreed on privately. Often, however, the spouses disagree about the terms of the divorce, which can lead to stressful (and expensive) litigation. A less adversarial approach to divorce settlements has emerged in recent years, known as mediation, an attempt to negotiate mutually acceptable resolution to conflicts.

This fact sheet provides information regarding six different types of divorce. Each type will affect individuals in a different way. By learning about the processes, you may be able to move through each type of divorce more successfully.

1.The emotional divorce—the emotional separation and feelings associated with it.
You need to let go of your feelings about the marriage. You may feel that you and your partner have grown apart. You may be angry and disappointed. Often these feelings occur before the legal divorce is finalized. Some individuals have emotional issues for years after the legal divorce.
You and your spouse should decide the most effective way to handle household responsibilities. One partner may move out of the house, changing roles and responsibilities. You should discuss how to inform friends and family of the impending legal divorce.

The emotional divorce takes more work when children are involved. Children probably will be dealing with anger, sadness, fear, confusion, or rejection, and their feelings may make it more difficult for you to process your own emotions. The ongoing relationships between your children and both of their parents also complicate the resolution of emotional issues.

2.The legal divorce—the lawful end of the marriage by court action.
The legal divorce marks the end of the marital relationship. It allows individuals the choice to remarry in the future. Although you may have feelings of helplessness, your attorney and the court system can help make decisions regarding your situation. Tell your lawyer if you want more control over these decisions. Professional mediation can be useful in resolving difficult issues and developing a co-parenting plan when children are involved.

The next four types of divorce are in the next blog entry

What's Your Story? From a Man's Perspective Part II

Here is my opinion from the story from my previous blog entry, What's Your Story? From a Man's Perspective

I do not know why, but it seemed that when we talk about divorce. I see women as the victim. And as a woman, I do not like to see any woman who gets abused or victimized.

But at least in this case, I feel sympathetic for the man.

At first, I think that the it is not the guy’s fault. It is his wife’s fault because they are still together and married, yet she’s searching love from another man. I do not think that cheating in marriage is not justifiable. I believe that it is his wife’s responsibility to understand and forgive her husband.

The guy admitted that it is his fault, because communication was out of sync.

In my previous blogs, I have mentioned that communication is the key.

So, we can see that communication is really important in a relationship.

Marriage is a work by two people, and effort by a person would not carry the marriage through. It would not work. The other person would get tired of carrying all the burden. It is a responsibility of both parties to give effort on saving the marriage.

In their case, marriage has been over for a while. They are married in paper, but in their hearts they are no longer married. The wife would need to respect him. But what she was doing does not show any respect at all. She is having an affair, and he knows it.

I think it is a little bit too late. It has been four years that the woman has replaced him. I am not sure if she could still show some respect to him after she has done that.

As I have said, marriage is an effort from two people. But I do not think that both of you are showing some effort. As long as she is still seeing or having communications with the guy, she is not taking the relationship seriously. There should be apologizing and remorse that should happen.

But, in order to save the marriage, I think the guy should still do something about it. Show some effort that you still want your wife. Try talking to the guy that the woman that she’s seeing is a married woman.

At the end of the day, you are still her husband. Legal husband on the eyes of the law.

It does not hurt to try, and fix the marriage. Try to make your wife to fall in love with you all over again.

Remember how you courted her? Show her that you love her and that she’s important to you.

Do little things that would make her happy. Let her know that you are still the same man the she fell in love with.

Put yourself in her position. All she needs is recognition.
Love’s not enough when you say it. Don’t you know you gotta mean it?

What's Your Story? From a Man's Perspective

In this blog entry, I would discuss an experience of a man. It would be like one of my previous blog entry, What’s Your Story? I know I have said that I would not continue the series, but I found one interesting experience that I could use as an example in this blog.

In addition, to avoid bias. I got this story from a man. For some reasons, I often tend to see the woman as a victim. But it is different in this case.

You’ll understand when you’ve read the whole thing

“I have been married for seven years, sadly the last four have been quite bad, all communication has been out of sync or non-existent. She has had two separate affairs, but she admitted were being unhappy about life, liking the attention, and were largely physical. Counseling frustrated her because she said all it did was have someone to tell her how messed up she is (the councilor). She started a new affair a few months ago, I have very recently discovered it through some e-mails. The depths go far deeper than physical, she was completely ready to leave me. I have tried to steer her back towards me. I know nothing justifies cheating on your spouse but I do feel partly responsible because there are little things I could have done differently to avert a lot of this. But back to the current guy she told him, and he agreed, that she needs to see if things can be salvaged with us. I haven't told her about the e-mails but she did admit that she had fallen in love with another and wanted to try with us once again. I am pretty sure I already know the answer, but at what point to I surrender to the possibility she has already made up her mind and won't admit it to herself? That her desire to make us work is just her not being honest with herself? I don't want to let her go, there is something between us that is worth fighting for (something she has agreed on as well) and many of the surrounding circumstances causing our breakdown in communication have past, just not the wounds. She just came back from seven months overseas where the relationship reached its climax and I expected things to be awkward, but how much time should I let go by before it isn't that awkward again? She says she wants to work on things but seems to be distant and push back when I try to do little things. She won't stop communication with him (they text frequently), and I'm pretty sure all of you will agree that alone is a sign she's not truly serious about us but I have my reasons to believe this isn't the case. Having said all of that I guess I'm looking for a consensus as to if this is a colossal waste of time on my part?”

Please read my next blog entry for my opinions.

The Opinion

In this blog entry, I gathered some of the opinions about divorce on Twitter.

I think this would be helpful. Other people's opinion are important. I believe that in order to get the best result, we should see all the sides of the issue.

Here are some of the opinions that can be found on Twitter, a social networking site that offers micro blogging.

momblogger May 29, 2011 at 22:24

Now that Malta legalized it, the only country that doesn't allow divorce is the Philippines. Come on Gabriela do your thing!

dianekristel May 29, 2011 at 23:56

Is there a need to pass a Divorce Bill?

Kapunan: Opposition to divorce is the hypocrisy of congressmen who want to have their wives and keep their mistresses. #harapan

ANCALERTS June 13, 2011 at 0:05

May naghihiwalay talaga. Pag malabo ang terms, MAS kawawa ang anak. Lilinawin ng divorce terms ang arrangement of responsibilities. Klaro.

GangBadoy June 13, 2011 at 0:32

#harapan, #ibasura, #ipasa. ang kailangan ay ayusin muna ang pagkatao ng isang tao para maibsan na ang mga hindi magagandang gawain ng tao.

Duffymarkc June 13, 2011 at 1:34

Humans are just humans. Who they think is the "one" may not be anymore 10 years into married life. #ipasa

vinnicents June 13, 2011 at 1:30

legalizing something that should have not been from the beginning won't do us any good NO TO #DIVORCEBILL #ibasura dami ng batas to enforce,

1stladyace June 13, 2011 at 1:46

#ibasura #divorcebill di na kailangan 'yan, pag dating ng araw if mapasa 'yan pagcchan 'yan & magiging rason 'yan ng mabilis n pghihiwlayan

1stladyace June 13, 2011 at 1:56

Keeping a family together when there is a poisoned or totally broken down marriage does not protect the family at all. #ipasa #divorce

ikuwaderno June 13, 2011 at 2:06

Annulment is possible though.

There were 8,282 annulment cases in 2010. And countless others that don't get annulled anymore and just separate. This is already happening

Muwu May 29, 2011 at 23:46

@ml895 i do i live in the philippines, we don't have divorce but we have annulment which totally different

TingJin08 May 29, 2011 at 19:06

Philippines only country (aside from Vatican City) that does not legalize divorce.

Malta voted "Yes" to divorce. Does that mean the Philippines is the only place left where divorce is still unlawful? #fb

timothygo_only1 May 29, 2011 at 20:02

Prior to 1947, we had divorce in the Philippines. The late Senator Arturo Tolentino was a divorcée.

nerveending May 29, 2011 at 20:16

Woah, RH bill now, divorce? Is Philippines ready for the modern world?

marvinleetang May 29, 2011 at 18:40

@ml895 Hmmn I actually don't want divorce to be legal here in the Philippines...

loyalsubject May 29, 2011 at 19:57

Posted a link in FB abt Philippines being left as d only country not legalizing divorce. Girls r commenting & shouting one thing - FREEDOM!

jexplore May 29, 2011 at 22:04

divorce in the Philippines would be useless if the ex husband could not afford to pay the alimony

loidita May 29, 2011 at 22:11

The Philippines is now the only nation without divorce. It's time, c'mon honorable Congressmen and Senators!

barnabychuck May 29, 2011 at 22:20

Every fellow Asian I know has the same reaction when I tell them #Divorce is illegal in the #Philippines. "What. The. Fuck?"

flipcritic May 29, 2011 at 22:19

@momblogger @bethangsioco Guys, di pa nga tapos ang laban sa RH...you wanna take on the church again on another uber-sensitive issue?

blogie May 29, 2011 at 22:20

Haha! Nainggit lang sa Malta. :) but seriously, bills have been filed fr 9th congress yata. @blogie @momblogger

bethangsioco May 29, 2011 at 22:24

@momblogger not many people know but the Bible does grant divorce on ONLY ONE condition: adultery..just cant remember the exact verse

agilangtamad May 29, 2011 at 22:23

Thoughts on Divorce

@sisanipepe I don't see why divorce is evil and will destroy the family while annulment is totally okay. They achieve the exact same thing.

Muwu May 29, 2011 at 23:28

“@flipcritic: Why no #Divorce in #Philippines? Because it's another money maker 4 Catholic Church.” Religion=controlling the masses!

HeadlessGal May 29, 2011 at 22:39

Some don't believe in divorce

I'm supporting the Philippines as the only country not legalizing divorce. I believe in the sanctity of marriage. Malta said YES, PHL NEVER.

BlinkingBadge May 29, 2011 at 23:07

@itsJohnTiu i don't think divorce should be legalized in the Philippines..

jettorias May 29, 2011 at 23:07

The future of divorce.

I predict that in the next 15 years, the Philippines will be the only country in the world that still bans divorce, condoms & gay marriage.

davesi May 29, 2011 at 23:16

@flipcritic @momblogger Superficially moral. In reality, the core is just as rotten as anywhere else in the world

Muwu May 29, 2011 at 23:33

You can share your thoughts on HB No. 1799, the Divorce Bill as well. The full view of the Bill can be found here
http://www.scribd.com/doc/35838190/House-Bill-No-1799-An-Act-Introducing-Divorce-in-the-Philippines

I featured this site and had briefly discussed the bill in one of my previous blog.

The Supplement

I’ve been honest since my first blog that I, personally am against divorce. As much as possible I do not want to see separation, sadness, sorrows, loneliness. I guess this is because there’s this child in me who still believes in happily ever afters. I also believe in the Filipino Saying,” Lahat ay naaayos sa mabuting usapan”

If you’re in a series of routine that cycles within arguing, fighting and silent treatment. Then, I am already telling you that it is a bad sign.

However, in order to save a marriage it would require the efforts of both parties.

So, how do you save your marriage? Brie Gatchalian researched and compiled five must know tips from five relationship experts on how to save a failing marriage.

Avoid drama
No one likes fighting, cold silences, slamming doors, court battles, child custody problems and financial struggles. 'Drama of that type is never necessary — it's a result of adults acting like upset children,' points out Tina Tessina, who's also known as 'Dr. Romance,' and author of How To Be A Couple and Still Be Free. 'Avoid dramatic pronouncements, scenes and ultimatums when problems arise. Instead, learn to sit down as an adult and talk about what the solution might be.' For starters, think and act as you do at work when a problem arises — most people can't throw fits and keep their jobs, right?

Don't resent each other
Resentment is a poison that will kill a marriage. 'In order for a marriage (or any relationship) to heal and grow, it's essential that you release resentment over things that went ‘wrong' in the past,' says Aurora Winter, founder of Grief Coach Academy and author of From Heartbreak to Happiness. 'The truth is, the past is over. No matter how much you think it should have been different, the past is never going to change. Ever.'

Plan Date Nights
It's very important to keep the lines of communication open between two people who spend their days focused on other people and careers. And it's also very important to have some fun in the process. 'Once or twice a month, get out of the house and enjoy a dinner and talk,' suggests Sybil Keane, psychologist and mental health expert on JustAnswer.com. 'Make a list during the month about what you feel you need to address and talk about — both good and bad.' Keep children's issues to a minimum — this is about the two of you. Validate each other and try to remember what life was like when you first dated, Keane adds. 'Yes, [things are] different [now], but the longer you stay married, the more mature your love will become.'
 

Don't forget about TLC
'Instead of trying to mold your spouse into the perfect partner, focus on becoming the ideal partner you seek,' explains Lauren Mackler, life coach and author of Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life. 'This allows you to engage with your partner from a place of wholeness, instead of from a place of neediness or fear that you can't take care of yourself.' And don't forget about how much you love your significant other. It's important to extend to your relationship the same devotion and tenderness that you would to a newborn child, Mackler says. 'Just as a baby would die if left to fend for itself, relationships fail to thrive without on-going care, love, and attention.'
 

Give it time
Getting a relationship back on track takes time. 'Set in your mind a timeframe with periodic check-ins to see if things are improving. Remember though, it's not a wait-and-see proposition, which can be passive,' says Karol Ward, licensed psychotherapist and author of Find Your Inner Voice. You have to commit and make saving your relationship an active project. 'At the end of three months (for instance), check in with yourself and your spouse to see how things are going.' Ward reminds to start acknowledging the positive changes you've experienced and fine-tune the things that still need work.

The 7 Signs to Watch Out For Part Two

Here's the continuation of my previous blog.

These are the other three signs that you should be watching out.

You're Parents, Not Partners
'If you have focused so much on being a family and raising your kids, and let your couple relationship go, you may find that you've lost your couple connection completely,' warns Tessina. 'This is why so many couples break up as soon as the kids are grown (or even before). Your man-and-wife relationship is vital -- it's the foundation your family is built on.' Tessina advises that you and your spouse not get so into your role as parents that you forget to be partners. Yes, your children are important, but so are your love and your relationship as a couple. It's not just about the kids.

Complete Withdrawal
'When either spouse withdraws emotionally from the relationship for an extended period of time, this means that the person no longer wants to put in the effort,' Ward points out. That might be hard to hear, couples, but pulling back because you are hurt is very different then removing yourself from the relationship while you are still in it -- those are two totally different things. 'If a spouse stops giving affection, refuses to communicate or does not spend time at home for long periods of time, this usually indicates they have emotionally left the relationship,' Ward explains. To fix matters, you can verbalize your concerns or write a note telling your spouse you need to speak with him. 'When you do meet, tell him you have noticed his disappearance, how it makes you feel and ask him what's going on,' she advises. 'It may feel awkward and rusty to connect again, but if you want your relationship back on track, let it be awkward without judging it.

Unwillingness to Resolve Conflict
If one of you refuses to try and work out conflicts or problems, you are in a dead-end relationship,' says Ward. 'There is a difference between not knowing how to resolve arguments and the refusal to do so. If one spouse or both are unwilling to negotiate, stop arguing or go to a therapist to heal the relationship, then the relationship has no where to go except towards divorce.' You and your spouse have to be willing to try and save the relationship in order for it to survive, say relationship experts. If you and your spouse are both willing, it's a good idea to find time when you are not fighting to communicate and share your concerns. 'Tell your spouse that you don't know how to fix things between you and you are feeling stuck,' Ward suggests. 'Ask him if he has any thoughts on how to make things better and then discuss one thing you are willing to try that week to rebuild trust. If you still can't agree, tell your spouse you feel you both need professional support and guidance and then find a couples therapist.' Hopefully, he'll want to give that a shot.

The 7 Signs to Watch Out For

In my previous blog, The Danger Signs, I have stated the “danger signs” that can be sensed on your partner that might lead to separation. These danger signs are for preventing in engaging into a wrong relationship and a failed marriage.

However, I have also said that it depends on the situation, especially with the love and patience of the other party towards the other person.

In this blog entry, I would be discussing the signs that a married couple would be undergoing that might lead to divorce.

I am not saying that when you are experiencing the things that I am going to say, then your bound to divorce. There’s always a chance to save your marriage. These signs are here to waken you up and save your marriage before it’s too late.

So what are the signs that I am talking about? 

So, here are seven signs that you should watch out for, ‘cause these are signs that might lead you to an undesirable divorce.

These signs are from www.sheknows.com

Lack of Respect
According to Karol Ward, author of Find Your Inner Voice: Using Instinct and Intuition Through the Body-Mind Connection, if either spouse is disrespectful or dismissive about trying to repair issues in the marriage, this indicates that the one using the disrespect is no longer regarding the other one as an equal partner. 'There is a big difference between being angry or hurt with your spouse and treating them with scorn. Disrespect means you no longer value or cherish your spouse, which is a major problem in a relationship,' Ward explains. If you'd like to fix matters, Ward suggests, 'When things are calm, express how hurt you feel when you feel you are disrespected and ask what is triggering it. You don't have to agree with the other person's perspective, but indicate you are willing to try and work on the relationship and ask them if they are too.' Be honest, calm and direct, Ward adds. 'If you find out the other person does not want to continue, at least you will know the truth and stop the cycle of bad behavior,' she says.

No Fighting
This might sound good in theory, but if you and your spouse aren't fighting anymore, that means you're also not communicating. 'If you've been fighting, or just dread fighting, moving into a phase of not talking meaningfully at all can feel like a relief,' says Tina B. Tessina, PhD, a.k.a. 'Dr. Romance,' psychotherapist and author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, 'but it could be a sign that you've both given up on being understood.' When this happens, Tessina points out, divorce is often the next step if you don't get counseling and figure out how to talk to each other without fighting.

Someone Cheats
Lauren Mackler, relationship coach, psychotherapist, and author of the bestseller Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life warns that if one or both partners in a relationship engage in emotional or sexual infidelity, you might be headed for divorce. 'People step outside their marriage because they don't know how to deal with their or their partner's feelings of anger, resentment, low self-esteem, and boredom -- common causes of marital discord,' she explains. 'Instead of acting on feelings of attraction to someone else, use this as a wake-up call that your marriage is in peril.' You and your spouse can seek out a professional who can help you identify the root causes of the marital discord and take action to change the interpersonal dynamics that led to the marital collapse, Mackler advises.

No Sex
If there is a decrease in sexual interest and activity (and there are no physiological conditions at play), you and your spouse might be headed for disunion. And the worst part is couples often avoid talking about this issue due to feelings of rejection or shame, Mackler points out. 'Instead of feeling rejected or angry, understand that a decrease in sexual intimacy is not the problem, but an indicator of deeper marital issues,' she explains. 'Then, find a good therapist or relationship coach (who has a background in psychology) to help you cut through the symptoms of your ailing marriage to effectively address the root-level causes.'

The Danger Signs

In relation to my previous blog entry, The Pre-Marital. I will discuss the danger signals that both parties should evaluate during the earlier stages. The stages that I am talking about is during the acquaintance, courtship and going steady. Both parties should evaluate or study each other especially during thee courting stage.

The Bible says In Matthew 19:4-6, in The Message Translation (MSG)

He answered, "Haven't you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female? And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one. Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart."

I know God does not want you to be married with the wrong person so, study and evaluate the person thoroughly. Does this person only love you because of sex? Money? Study the way they act and how they react to things. Does the person smoke weed? Is that person an alcoholic? Can I endure this?

The Bible said, ..... “no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart.” Which means that God does not want anyone that has become one to become two bodies again.

To help prevent these unwanted separations, it can be avoided through taking note of these danger signs.

So, here are the top thirteen danger signals:

1. Mental Impairment

2. Emotional instability

3. Excessive Jealousy

4. Angry disposition

5. Substance related disorder

6. Alcohol addiction

7. Personality change

8. Double personality

9. Anxiety disorder

10. Sexual identity disorder

11. Impulse control disorder

12. Anti-social personality

13. Impulse control disorder

These signs could already be sensed during the early stages. If these danger signs are evident to your partner. Ask yourself if you could bear with it. Weigh it, and know how much love could cover those disorders.

Remember this, do not ever start something with the person or break up with him or her.

If you think that you’ll just end up breaking up. Do not ever start anything. I will always remind everyone and repeat this over and over.  That divorce is a painful process. It could cost your happiness and normal life especially when you really love the person. Moreover, it is very expensive.

Problems might lead to a painful divorce.

However, there are cases wherein some people love the other person so much even if the other party has disorders. They want to believe that the person could change. Their love to the person covers all the flaws of the other. They bear all the pain and still love that person more than anyone could. Some people think that they are stupid or martyr. But that is what I call, REAL AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

But always remember, everything in excess is bad. If you’re always beaten or get hurt 24/7. Please Please have second thoughts. You are worth something.

The Pre-Marital

This blog is all about what divorce is, what happens in a divorce, how to prevent divorce and how to cope with divorce. I’ve also mentioned and cited a lot of divorce stories for us to learn from. Basically, the purpose of this blog is for me to vent out all opinions on divorce. I’ve also mentioned that the Philippines is the only country that still does not allow divorce. I’ve explained the reason behind it and it is because of their strong culture and Faith.

Today, I am going to do something different. Yet, it is still related to divorce.

Why does divorce occur? Can we prevent this? I know, I have already tackled this. But, this time in a Christian or Biblical Perspective.

Divorce can only happen to married people. So, what does being married mean?

In Matthew 19:4-6, in The Message Translation (MSG)

 4-6He answered, "Haven't you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female? And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one. Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart."

Okay, so let’s first put this aside.

Another question, how does the marriage process work? So here is the standard process that leads to marriage.

First, acquaintance. During this stage both parties study the other and learn about him or her. Then, they become somewhat knowledgeable or they know little about each other. After that, approval of being friends with each other

Second, courtship. Here is all the fun part begins. During this stage the woman will evaluate the man whether his tricks work on her. She will also be the one who will approve whether they shall continue to the next stage.

Third, going steady. In this stage the relationship is already steady. Meaning, there is acceptance for each other. However, both parties would still evaluate each other if they could go on and move to the next stage.

Fourth, engagement. In this stage, formalization happens. The man would propose for marriage, and when the woman says yes then they are already engaged. In this part, a lot of thinking should be done. Both parties should have to answer yes into the following questions:

    Do I love him or her?

    Can I live forever with this person?

    Do I see myself growing old with this person?

    Will I still love this person even when he or she is all wrinkly?

Lastly, Preparing for the Wedding. When one is already on this stage, it only means that both parties are determined to live together forever.

However, there is a condition. The condition is to leave their parents and live and build a family together. The husband and wife should live together. They should be united. Moreover they have the duty of procreating or reproducing. Which means having babies, whom they have responsible to.

...Into Something “Good”

This is the next five tips from my previous blog, Turning Something "Bad"...

Break ups does make people feel down, sad, left out and very emotional. It lowers one’s self-esteem.
Do not let a break up make you feel useless. You are worth it!

Follow these useful tips, and be learn how to be happy again!

PLAN AND CONQUER
"If we don't set our schedules, somebody else will set it for us," declares Dr. Trent, which is what has happened in most breakups. This may be difficult emotionally, so he recommends choosing one goal at a time to work toward. This may be to make it through the day, travel or earn a master's degree. Frei emphasizes rewarding yourself for accomplishing goals.

TAKE TIME TO GREIVE AND START WITH A CLEAN SLATE
People heal at different paces. Allow yourself time to feel, cry. "Clear up reminders," says Frei, by purging things in your living space that remind you of the person. Don't get involved in a new relationship too quickly, which may transfer feelings from your old relationship to the new one; rather, "take time with friends to get rid of the loneliness feeling."

ENRICH OTHERS THROUGH VOLUNTEERING
Volunteering is a great way to achieve self-actualization while helping others. The caveat: People may not feel like volunteering. Regardless, Dr. Trent believes "actions dictate feelings, not the reverse. When we begin to take actions that are positive… that generates positive feelings. Not the opposite." Take the first step, and the feelings will naturally follow.

REDISCOVER YOURSELF
Relationships are often filled with many compromises. Create a vision board by cutting out pictures and words from magazines that are meaningful to you in a relationship, or print your own, and paste them to a poster board. This constant visual reminder will fill your mind with positive energy and remind you what can be achieved each day.

SORRY, JERRY MAGUIRE – YOU DON'T COMPLETE ME
Contrary to the popular movie line, Frei says, "Love isn't about somebody completing you; we're all complete." Develop your weaknesses so you don't search for them in a partner and sacrifice good qualities (kind and loving) for the one strength you're fixated on (someone who is good with money). Positive qualities attract positive people. Focus on developing yourself verses finding satiation in another.

These helpful tips were also from www.sheknows.com

My personal tip in a break up situation is that you need time to cry. Be sad for a moment. You can never be strong all the time. Face the reality. You do not have to pretend that you are okay, and nothing is wrong. It is okay to cry. So, for that moment cry and be sad.

But after that, shake it off! Smile! And Move on!

Breaking up is not the worst thing that could happen. Breaking up would mean something better is meant for you!

Think Positive, and Smile!

Note: These tips are mostly for women.
         However, there are also tips that men could use and apply to themselves.

Turning Something "Bad"...

Yesterday, I have read numerous bitter divorce stories. Then, I decided to post success divorce stories to eliminate all the negativities.

Now, I have decided to post an entry of something new and fresh to help reduce all the negativities in break ups.

Breaking up is never going to be a good news. Unfortunately, there are times wherein some people have to go through with it.

In line with my previous blog filled with positivities, I am going to post an entry to make people knowledgeable that break ups could be something good. Moreover, something that they could benefit from.

These tips are simple, yet helpful!

Here are 10 ways one can make a break up a positive thing and benefit-able. Not even sure if that’s even a word. Oh, well! You get my point. 

Just keep on reading, and you might get something useful.

These helpful tips were also from www.sheknows.com

REDIRECT YOUR NEGATIVE ENERGY
Trade male bashing for some sweating -- we mean glistening, for us ladies. Dr. John Trent, head coach of StrongFamilies.com, says exercise is therapeutic on many levels and even simple things like walking or running are a positive way to deal with emotion. Even though you may not feel like getting up off the couch after a breakup, you will feel better once you do. And you'll look more hot and fit than ever before!

TAKE TIME FOR EXTREME SELF CARE
People tend to beat themselves up after a breakup, says Heidi Frei, life coach of Heidi Frei Coaching & Consulting. Rid yourself of "I should haves" – you know those phrases that circumvent your thoughts, like "I should have left him earlier" – and instead surround yourself with people who love you. Don't worry about what other people think. Make the best decision for yourself.

LISTEN TO YOURSELF
Frei notes one of the biggest problems women have after a breakup is not putting themselves first. To resolve this unsettled feeling, she recommends beginning a journal. Writing down the thoughts your former partner didn't listen to and allowing yourself to focus on them now, can be restorative. Learn to say "yes" when things are good for you and "no" when things are bad.

TREAT YOURSELF LIKE A KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR WOULD
If you can't treat yourself with love, how will someone else? Frei says it's important to "treat yourself like you want your ideal partner to treat you." Buy yourself flowers for a special occasion, pamper yourself at the spa or plan a fun weekend getaway.

MIND OVER MATTER ISN'T SO
Dr. Trent says rekindling positivity after a breakup is simple, although not easy: "Understand that you cannot out-logic emotions." That is thinking something shouldn't bother you despite your emotional reactions, like negative feelings when seeing couples in public, even though you "should" be over it. Fill your mind with constructive thoughts, and don't fret when logic seems anything but rational.
The next five tips, will be posted on my next blog entry! Keep on reading, and help yourself!

...But a Better Ending!

[continuation...]
 
The other three success divorce stories from my previous blog.

"My first husband and I were married in a beautiful Catholic ceremony. About a year later, I came home from a meeting and my husband was at the kitchen table working on his laptop. He was in good spirits and indicated he was planning to go out to watch football with a group of friends from work. I thought nothing of it... At 2 a.m. the phone rang. It was my husband, telling me he had been arrested... He was charged with four felonies, including importuning and soliciting a minor for sex! He convinced me it was a misunderstanding. I endured the humiliation of his arrest being on television and the radio. I came to understand that our entire marriage had been a charade. Everything that came out of his mouth was a lie. I eventually told him I wanted a divorce. I later learned that he had been cheating on me the entire time. I was so depressed... Finally, I woke up one day and discovered that I actually had it pretty good. I picked myself up and put away the wine glasses. I went to Europe for the first time. I bought my own house -- painted and decorated it myself. I decided to start dating again. I met a man on Match.com -- he proposed 16 months later. We have one son and another child on the way. I am truly convinced that everything happens for a reason." 
- Maureen

"I was very inspired by my divorce. I have turned my lemons into lemonade. I am the founder of the National Association of Divorce for Women and Children, a 24/7 resource center that supports single-again women. When I divorced 14 years ago, I was searching for tools to help move my life forward, and to be the best role model for my children. That's when I became certified in the coaching field. I'm also a certified behavior consultant. I have been working with family law attorneys for years and have developed a program called "Single Again! Now What?", a 12-week program mentoring other divorcees. My joy is when I see a mom believe in herself again." 
- Joanie
 
"I got married at 20 and was completely insecure. I thought I needed a man to complete me, but I was comatose, walking through marriage without feeling alive. I was terrified my life was over but more terrified that if I left, no other man would want me. My husband wasn't bad to me -- I just got married too young and didn't even know what love was. My turning point was when some of my students dared me to rap. It led me to try, and stimulated me to see there was life beyond an unsatisfying job. My husband hated me being out so much. I was no longer the constant wife-y type, coming home from school to cook and clean and plan social dates with friends. Eventually, I decided that I needed to live instead of passing time. When I finally left I danced out and didn't take a dime in alimony. My freedom was worth everything and all I needed. I'm still good friends with my ex. It was very amicable. He was a good person, but couldn't handle me changing." 
- Daylle

Not a Bitter Ending..

Today, I read more than twelve divorce stories.  My eyes got tired from reading tons of stories. Most part of the stories were just them ranting about how bad their partner was, how she was a slut, or how he was such a thief or user.

I can not find a good story that we can learn from or even use as an example for my second entry in my new series, What’s Your Story? I can not use the stories, since they are too exaggerated. I will post some of the phrases or sentences from the stories that I am talking about.

Almost all of the divorce stories are written by people who cannot move on or still bitter from their break up.

Here are some example phrases from the divorce stories that I have read.

"She is abusive and will puch the blame on you and will lie to u about being raped just to get attention and sympathy which is all of course untrue stories."

"I have a forged gov't check from her, forged medical documents, false claims in letters from her, and lots more crap I would love to share with anyone! Stay away from the devil!"

"She will push blame onto everyone else and make others look bad when in fact it is really her who is the insane one."

"Then he started taking money out of my account which did not have his name on it. He had stole my ATM card. Turns out my ex is a compulsive liar."

"Nicole Martinez is a liar and every man alive needs to stay away. You might get an STD."

 
There are so much more ranting from these people.

So now, I decided not to continue the series of divorce stories. Because I cannot really find any good divorce stories that I can use as an example for the series.

On the bright side, I have found 6 success stories from www.sheknows.com

"I am a very successful divorcee. I married the love of my life, and after 12 years of a great partnership, we changed and realized we loved each other so much that we had to let each other go. Since we divorced, we have worked together professionally and love it! My 'was-band' found an amazing woman and we are both happier, healthier and love that we are still in each other's lives. You know the old saying, 'When you love someone, set them free?' Well, in our case, we came back to each other professionally and have a very deep love for each other. Friends called our divorce the 'divorce of the decade.'"
- Lorrie

"My ex-husband and I have an excellent working relationship. We share custody -- one week on, one week off -- and have agreed that we will always give each other the opportunity to have more time with the kids if we need childcare. We both agreed that it wasn't about us. It was about the kids, first and foremost. We are told by many divorced friends that we are fortunate to be good friends now, and should be the example of what divorced parents should be." 
- Natalie

"I have been divorced for exactly a year now. I am finally in a great place! I haven't been this happy nor healthy (mentally and physically) in years. I was married for 20 years and began to grow in ways that my ex just couldn't understand. I went through a very difficult divorce -- my ex was very controlling and mentally abusive. I was scared to death to leave, but I began to get stronger. I have turned my story into a business called AndeLifeCoach.com, where I coach other people to find their 'authentic' true selves. I have never looked or felt better." 
- Andrea

It's Funny but It's Real Part Two

Here's the other five bizarre divorce stories from my previous blog.

Obsessive cleaning leads to divorce
A woman from Germany left her husband after 15 years of marriage because he was cleaning obsessively everything in the house all of the time. She’d been patient for that long, having empathy for her man’s disorder, but her patience ran out when the guy had rebuilt a wall in their house because it’d gone dirty.

He gave her his heart and his kidney, but…
Dr Richard Batista could do nothing but to watch his wife slowly dying from kidneys failure. Her organism rejected the donated organs from her father and her brother, before it became clear that her husband’s kidney matches perfect. Batista never hesitated and saved his wife’s life. Given the most valuable present and building a romantic fairytale of happy marriage, full of love, commitment and sacrifice, she returned to their home healthy and… jumped into another man’s embrace. Angered husband couldn’t believe the lack of gratitude he was faced with, so despite divorce he wanted his kidney back. As the donated organ was not a marital asset he couldn’t get it back, so he wanted 1.5 million dollars. The Supreme Court has denied his claim because it was not legal to put a monetary value on a human organ.

When religion takes part
A woman from Saudi Arabia has requested a divorce because her husband broke the strict Islamic codes. He asked for a sneak of her face. It wouldn’t be strange if they were not married, but 30 years of living together talk that, at least for the Western world, this is a bizarre reason for getting divorced. It happened while she was sleeping as the husband lifted her veil off her face to finally see how she looks. Unfortunately she woke up, and although he was apologizing and promising that he won’t repeat it again, she left him forever.

“Divorce! Divorce! Be Patient! Be Patient! I Love You! I Love You!”
In a hilarious Chinese case a woman requested divorce using the testimony of the family’s parrot. As it’s well known, the speaking birds use to repeat the words that they hear more often. For this betrayed Chinese wife it was clear that her man is having an affair when their parrot repeated words and phrases like “divorce”, “be patient” and “I love you” in recent times, supposedly that the bird was hearing to husband’s conversation with his mistress. The wife tried to use the parrot as a witness on the trial, but although she gained a divorce, the bird’s testimony, of course, wasn’t accepted by the court.

Splitting assets equal before the divorce
Being suspicious that his wife is having an affair with a local cop, a man from a village near Phnom Penh, Cambodia, has decided to end their 18 years lasting marriage. Although they have had a conversation about the issue for some time, one day Moeun (the husband) and his relatives and friends showed up “armed” with a lot of chainsaws and, we guess, with some alcohol in blood (or some blood in alcohol), and divided the house in two equal parts, probably supposing that the court would make the same decision later. What’s more interesting, they moved his share to his parents’ place, although it’s useless without the other part. Fortunately they hadn’t kids.

Hope you had fun reading!

It's Funny but It's Real

While I was googling for divorce stories for my second entry on my series What’s Your Story,  I found something very interesting on the web.

It was called 10 Tragicomic Divorce Stories from urbantitan.com

Each couple would marry each other hoping to have a happily ever after. Just like in the movies or in fairy tales. Unfortunately it does not happen every time. Here is a list of ten of the world’s most bizarre or, for some, hilarious divorce stories.

I know I have said that divorce is a serious and a very emotional process. However, these stories are really odd and somewhat funny.

Most of the stories on this list come from out of the Western world and have happened in different cultures. Maybe they seem normal somewhere else, but still nobody would like to happen to him or her.

These stories may be funny, but they are actual and are true to life stories.

No bath – no wife
Only a month ago an engineer woman from Egypt had to move to court to divorce her husband after he refused to take a bath in the first month of their marriage. Her “Prince Charming” told her that he has some kind of allergy of water which doesn’t allow him to bathe. Surprised, wife asked for doctor’s advice and he told her that although the decease exists it doesn’t prevent him from cleaning his body. The guy was outraged when his wife confronted him with this fact telling her just that “it was his habit.” He refused to give her divorce, so his wife had to gain it through a court decision.


“Neil Brady has ended his marriage with Emma Brady”
This is a story about becoming-trendy Facebook break ups. Neil Brady updated his status with the message “Neil Brady has ended his marriage with Emma Brady.” Concerned friend of the now-ex-wife called her to ask if she’s all right, but instead of compassion she just caused shock. When Neil Brady came back home from job he’s been acting like nothing happened. But when his wife asked him about the update he lost his temper and threw her out of house and locked her in the back garden accusing her for having an affair. After the incident ended he was fined for his behavior and had to pay compensation to his humiliated wife. Their marriage lasted six years and had one kid.


Without his penis extension – without his wife
Back in 2008, 47 years old Grigory Toporov from Voronezh, Russia added some inches to his masculinity in order to give better pleasure to his demanding wife. Unfortunately, during a wild sex session the extension snapped off. It was enough for his wife to kick him out of the bedroom looking for divorce stating that she was “fed up with his failures in bed.” Toporov bagged her claiming that he aimed to fix the problem getting a new one, but his wife didn’t want to listen anymore.


The wife that couldn’t stand her mother-in-law
This is a characteristic story for tough patriarchal communities mixed up with some Freudian theory example. Only after 10 months in marriage, 22 years old Elena from Romania bid for divorce because she couldn’t stand the remarks of her mother-in-law during the lunch that she’s ruining their marriage. She stated to the court that her life in last ten months turned to nightmare because of her husband’s mother. The judge, of course, asked her to find better reason to separate from her husband, because she was married to him, not his mother.


Not fulfilling the marriage duties
A man named Chen and a woman named Lin, both teachers from China, were introduced by a matchmaker. They got married after three months dating, but then the problems began. On the first night as a married couple Lin dressed up as much as she can wear. When Chen tried to drop all her clothes off intending to sleep with her, she rejected him saying that he is ridiculous. She returned to her mother’s home the very next day, leaving the poor man alone. After one more matchmaker intervention Lin signed a contract agreeing to sleep with her husband, but only for the purpose of procreation, demanding to sleep separately. Chen couldn’t stand that anymore and requested a divorce, which was granted.

What's Your Story?

What’s your story is going to be a series of stories of real people who experienced divorce or thinking about filing a divorce. We can learn through their experience.

This I’m sure sound so cliche, but I couldn’t have said it better.

Some people learn from their mistakes, but smart people learn from other people's mistakes
Today, I am going to start with my first entry to this series.

I’ve been saying on my previous blogs that divorce is something that a couple should think rationally about. They should not just decide compulsively. Divorce is a big thing. It could and would change your life then and there.

There are a lot of things a couple should consider before filing the divorce, or even thinking of filing one. There are ways to resolve things, and they should try everything before deciding on filing a divorce.
Always remember that divorce is always the last option.

Here is a story from http://www.womansdivorce.com/ about a woman who filed a divorce and still regret.

It's been three years and I still regret the divorce

Victoria was married for twenty years and they had two children together. Her daughter is 16 and son 23. His husband drank a lot during their marriage, went into an AA program, and during the program he had an affair. Victoria told him that she wanted a divorce. Now, she regret it because it's been 3 years and she still can't get over the divorce. His husband found someone else, they are living together and he says he is happier than he ever has been (which hurts her even more).  She is in DivoceCare, goes to Church and believe in God. She have days where she is OK, but she thinks of the time she spent with him and it hurts. She considers herself as an intelligent person, so why can't she get over this?

My say in this situation is that regret is always at the end. So, what can I say to you is that everything happens for a reason and just to make you feel better, remember why you thought of filing a divorce, and why you did.

I believe that you are a strong and an intelligent person. You had suffered enough with him, and it is time for you to be happy. You have said that he drank a lot during the marriage, and also had an affair. That having been said, is enough reason to be separated with him. To end the suffering and emotional pain.

Another tip is find other things to do. Divert your thoughts, and find something that could be fulfilling to do.

Remember this, you deserve to be happy and he is not even worth it. He has moved on, and it is your time to move on as well. Be happy with what you have. You still have two beautiful children who loves you.

It does not matter if you become happy alone, or with a new man. But as long as your happy, and you know you are. Everything is well.

Divorce and The Bible Part Two

Mark 10:2-12

And some Pharisees came up to Him, testing Him, and began to question Him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife. And He answered and said to them, "What did Moses command you?" And they said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away." But Jesus said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. "But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. "For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh; consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." And in the house the disciples began questioning Him about this again. And He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery."

Luke 16:18

"Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery.

1 Corinthians 7:10-15

But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not send his wife away. But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, let him not send her away. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, let her not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.

1 Corinthians 7:39

A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

Deuteronomy 24:1-4

"When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man's wife, and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God gives you as an inheritance.

Divorce and The Bible

Divorce has been a very controversial topic in the Philippines. It has been debated between the state or the government and the Catholic Church. So why has it been controversial? What did the Bible say about this topic? Did the Bible really say that divorce is bad or evil? Did the Bible really forbid divorce? Are there cases wherein the Bible would allow it? Why are there churches who would want to allow divorce? What does the Bible teach?

A biblical definition of divorce is necessary in order to understand what divorce is thoroughly. According to Steve Clay, LPC, Divorce is a declaration that the promises made concerning covenant companionship are no longer expected, required, or permitted. Old Testament usage of the term (see Deuteronomy 24; Isaiah. 50:1; Jeremiah 3:8) means “to cut off.” The NT usage (apoluo) means “to loose from, to put from, put away, send, release, or dismiss.” Fundamentally, the concept of divorce means the severing of the covenantal relationship that previously existed

Here are 10 Bible Verses on divorce which hopefully can help us gain a better understanding on the topic.

10 Bible Verses About Divorce

Romans 7:2-3
For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. So then if, while her husband is living, she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress, though she is joined to another man.

Malachi 2:14-15
"Yet you say, 'For what reason?' Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. "But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then, to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth.

Ephesians 5:33

Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.

Matthew 19:6

"Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."

Matthew 5:31-32

"And it was said, 'Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce'; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Above, are five of the ten verses on divorce. The other five verses on divorce will be continued on my next blog. As a matter of fact, there are more than ten passages that talked about divorce. I only provided ten out of many passages in the Bible.

What is Annulment?

In my blog entree House Bill No. 1799, I have mentioned the word annulment. So, what is annulment, and how is it different from divorce?

The Free Dictionary (http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/annulment) defined annulment as a judgement by a court that retroactively invalidates a marriage to the date of its formation.

An annulment differs from a Divorce, a court order that terminates a marriage, since it is a judicial statement that there was never a marriage. A divorce, which can only take place where there has been a valid marriage, means that the two parties are no longer Husband and Wife once the decree is issued. An annulment means that the individuals were never united in marriage as husband and wife.

Various religions have different methods for obtaining a church divorce, or annulment, but these procedures have no legal force or effect upon a marriage that complied with the requirements of law. Such a marriage must be legally annulled.

Even if both divorce and annulment allow the spouses to remarry, these two things differ in idea and basis. Annulment assumes that the marriage is void from the beginning. Meaning, it would declare non-existent by the court. The marriage of the couple is declared non effective from the beginning. In annulment, the marriage is legally cancelled and the man and woman are restored to their single status.

So, why am I explaining what annulment is?

In the Philippines, divorce has not yet been approved. However, what we have here is annulment. Unlike divorce, annulment of marriages is allowed by both the Church and State.

Art. 45 of The Family Code of the Philippines states 6 grounds by which the court can annul a marriage.


The grounds for annulment of marriage are:

1. Absence of Parental Consent. A marriage was solemnized and one or the other party was eighteen (18) years of age or over but below twenty-one (21) and consent was not given by the parents, guardian or person having substitute parental authority. The Petition of Annulment must be filed within five (5) years of having attained the age twenty-one. However, if the parties freely cohabited with the other as husband and wife after having reached the age of twenty-one (21) a Petition of Annulment can no longer be filed.

2. Mental Illness. One or the either party was of unsound mind at the moment of the marriage. But if the parties freely cohabited with each other after he or she came to reason the law prohibits the filing of a Petition.

3. Fraud. That the consent of either party was obtained by fraud, unless such party once having knowledge of the fraud freely cohabited with the other as husband and wife. The petition must be filed within five (5) of finding out the facts of the fraud.

4. That the consent of either party was obtained by force, intimidation or undue influence. Except when the same has ceased and the party filing the petition freely cohabited with the other as husband and wife. The injured party must file within five (5) years from the point in time the force, intimidation or undue influence disappeared or came to an end.

5. One or the other party was physically incapable of consummating the marriage, and such incapacity continues and appears to be incurable. The filing of the Petition of Annulment must be filed within five (5) years after the marriage.

6. Either party was at the time of marriage afflicted with a sexually-transmitted-disease (STD) found to be serious and seems to be incurable. This may also constitute fraud. The filing of the Petition of Annulment must be filed within five (5) years after the marriage.


SEPARATION: being separated from your spouse with or without communication is not grounds for annulment. It does not matter how many years you are separated. There is no law that annuls or voids a marriage automatically. Only a judge in a court of law can annul, void or nullify a marriage.

INFIDELITY: is not grounds for annulment.



Sources:
http://jlp-law.com/blog/proposed-divorce-law-in-the-philippines/
http://www.bcphilippineslawyers.com/grounds-for-annulment-of-marriage-in-the-philippines/447/

...or Not to Legalize?

I have been discussing the negative sides of divorce in my series of blogging. I have also said that the painful, emotional, and bitterness do not usually stop when the divorce process is over. There are still consequences that they would face due to their action.

I believe that in this world, no one wants to feel alone, lonely, helpless, or feel left behind. Divorce can make people feel those things, and it is sad. It is reality, a sad reality.

The negative side of divorce is that it will make you feel alone, emotional, weak, helpless, lack of security, do not have enough money. It may affect your children psychologically. The children are the ones who are going to be greatly affected. They are going to be confused, and it might be traumatic for them. They could bring these traumatic experience until they become adults.

You can read my previous blogs, The Aftermath and The Children Involved, to know more about the consequences of divorce.

Finally, we are clear that divorce has its good and bad sides. Now, the big question here is whether to legalize divorce or not?

If divorce were to be legalized then there would be more lonely people in the world. Think about this, when divorce is legalize people might forget the importance, sacredness of marriage. What will happen with “till death do us part” ? The future generation might think that marriage is just a game. That when it don’t work, just file a divorce and find someone else. They may abuse, and misuse divorce. Isn’t it sad? Moreover, if divorce were to be legalized then the children would get confused because families would be bigger. There are cases wherein a couple who had kids got divorce, and both of them would find another partner and have kids. So, the kids from the first marriage would be confused on who would they call their parents. Second, the way the children were raise would not be as good. Confusing isn’t it?

However, if divorce were remained illegal then the couples would try their very best to save their marriage. Sadly, this is not true for all married couples since there are still cases wherein they would still separate. What I was trying to say is that, they would still try to make it work. By staying together, there is still that chance. No matter how big or small. At least there’s still hope in fixing misunderstandings and other problems between the couple. I believe that time can heal all wounds.

To be honest, I have no firm opinion on this topic. It would be nice if divorce would not be legalized since couples would do everything they could to save their marriage. But, what about those couples who tried their best but their marriage would not really work? Those people who just get physically or emotionally abused by their spouses?

In conclusion, I would say that I would be on the side of legalizing divorce. I think that all we have to do is trust the Faith that the Filipinos have. The Faith and their fear of the Lord would help them make the right decisions.

To Legalize...

Divorce is a situation that no one wants to be in. I have been blogging about divorce for a few days. I defined what divorce is, causes of divorce, and I have also discussed the difficulties and consequences one would come across during and even after the divorce process.

I know that I am a little bit biased on this topic and I have been telling you that divorce is bad, I’m against divorce and all that. However, I also believe that in everything, there is a good and a bad side.

I will discuss the pros or the positive side of divorce first. As I have said in my previous blogs, marriages can never be perfect. It is up to the couple on how they handle and keep their relationship strong. The positive side of divorce is when one of the people is too tired, too weak, and too abused both physically or emotionally. These are times that we say enough is enough! It is not healthy to stay in a relationship that would just hurt you, or bring you down. It is tiring when only one person is trying to save the relationship. It is stressful and tiring when only one person makes an effort. In addition, it would hurt the person a lot, since you do not feel that he/she loves you anymore. It would be stupid to stay in a relationship that does not work and hurts you emotionally or sometimes physically. It would only make you feel depress, frustrated, angry and sometimes a failure. These things could lead to a helplessness or depression. What’s the point of staying when all you get is argument, fighting, getting hurt and abused.

So, why am I saying this? I am saying this to awaken people that divorce is need if and only if one is in those kinds of impossible situation. However, the couple should still try their very best to save their marriage. Remember, divorce is always the last option. Divorce is only the key when one does not feel happy in the relationship anymore. When he/she gets hurt. People get married because they are in love with each other. So, my point is, why stay if you do not feel loved or love the person anymore. Divorce is a chance to find that love again. Unfortunately, from another person.

When one has undergone and conquered divorce from a man or a woman who just hurts him or her then one would have a brand new life. A life that one would build from scratch. Does not sound good doesn’t it? Well, I think this “brand new life” is a better than before - abused, hurting, full of arguments and fights. At least, in this new life you have your freedom, and to be free from stress! Free from yelling, shouting, fighting and arguing.
In this new life, one should be responsible enough to live it well, and not to commit the same mistakes again.

I’ll continue this blog, and be discussing the negative side of divorce.