Here are the next four types of divorce.
3.The economic divorce—the division of money and property.
The division of assets can be difficult. Since two households are more expensive than one, you may have less money to cover expenses due to divorce. As a result, you may need to learn new financial skills. Set up a budget based on your current expenses and income. If needed, community resources can help you find employment opportunities. You also may be eligible for job training or educational assistance. Insurance (health and life) and retirement plans can become even more important after divorce.
4.The co-parental divorce—the negotiation of parenting following marital separation and establishment of the bi-nuclear family.
You must learn how to continue your role as a parent while letting go of your spousal role. You cannot control the actions of your child’s other parent. However, your children will adjust better if you shield them from post-marital conflicts between you and the other parent.
The amount of time you spend with your children may change following divorce. You may feel overwhelmed if you have primary responsibility for their care. You may feel that you don’t have adequate time for yourself as an adult. On the other hand, you may feel lonely and out of touch if you spend less time with the child/children following divorce.
You can be successful as a parent in a bi-nuclear family if you:
•Avoid criticizing the other parent in front of the children.
•Don’t use your child/children as messengers to the other parent.
•Schedule meetings in an open and neutral location where you can talk with the other parent about the child/children.
•Use mediation, if needed, to help you talk together.
•Don’t ask the child/children for information about the other parent.
•Don’t make your child/children your confidante(s).
•Seek out adult friends, family members, support groups, or counselors to fulfill this role.
5.The community divorce—the changes that occur in relationships with friends and the community.
As the divorce process continues you may receive less support from family and friends. You may feel as though fewer people are willing to help when you need them most. You may no longer feel comfortable around your married friends. The mutual friends that you and your former spouse shared prior to divorce may seem uncomfortable in your presence. They may not want to take sides.
You may feel nervous about starting to date again, especially if you haven’t dated for years. Support groups through your church, community, or work can help you establish new friendships. A divorce support group offers a setting where you can share your personal experiences with others. If you are not feeling good about yourself, consider seeking counseling to help build your self-esteem.
6.The psychological divorce—the process of mental separation and the development of your independence.
This is the “true” separation from the marital partner. At this point you learn to be self-supportive. You may develop insight as to the reasons why you decided to marry and divorce. Instead of spending time blaming another person for the divorce, you can spend your time adapting to the divorce as you learn about yourself and new ways to relate to others.
You know that you have adapted to divorce in a healthy manner if you:
•Have accepted that the marriage is over
•Have let go of the anger.
•Remember both the good and bad aspects of the marriage.
•Have made peace with the other parent of your children
and with yourself.
•Are realistic about how you contributed to the divorce.
•Have established a support network outside former marriage-related friendships. •Have developed future goals.
• Have allowed yourself time to heal before beginning another relationship.
•Are planning your life as a single person.
These information are brought to you by MK Lawler - pods.dasnr.okstate.edu
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