Would you support or go against the Divorce Bill?

This entry is a continuation of my previous entry, The Other Side of the Coin.

Yes, I am aware that the Philippines allow legal separations and annulments. Read my previous blogs, What is Legal Separation? and What is Annulment?
In the Philippines, for couples who want to dissolve their union, there are two options, which are annulment and legal separation.
I have defined and differentiated the two from divorce in my previous blog.

Both are options are flawed. In legal separations, everything but the marriage is dissolved. Quite literally, the couple remains married only on paper. In an annulment, you must prove that your reason for wanting to nullify the marriage existed even before the marriage--this requires one to declare and prove that his or her partner is incapable of functioning as wife or husband.

The most commonly used reason for an annulment is “psychological incapacity.” It requires that you prove that your spouse (or both of you) is indeed psychologically incapable of performing the responsibilities that come with being married. In legal terms, that means presenting evidence that proves this allegation. To back up your claim, you need to get a psychological report which can be expensive.

Because of the separation of Church and State, getting a civil annulment will only mean that your civil union has been dissolved. This is fine if you were married in City Hall, but if you had a church wedding, this means that your church union is still intact. To nullify your church wedding, you need to go through the whole process again, this time with the archdiocese. This action will cost more and take longer.

Many opt to get only a civil annulment, but the drawback is that if you chose to re-marry, you cannot do it in church.

The cost of proving grounds for an annulment, such as psychological incapacity, requires the hiring of specialists and the like, which can cost thousands of pesos--not something everyone can afford.

Clare Padilla, Executive Director of EnGenderights, an NGO that provides legal services, pointed out that the current situation [no clear law on divorce] puts wives in abusive relationships in a bind: “Many women end up cohabiting with their current partner without having their marriage nullified. And because of this, some women are dismissed from government service precisely because of these 'immorality issues.'”

I got these facts from http://www.femalenetwork.com/news-features/9-reasons-to-support-the-legalization-of-divorce-in-the-philippines

It is ironic that the Philippines is the only country that does not legalize divorce.

According to Atty. Fred Pamaos, the Philippines once had a law on divorce. “Before the Spanish colonial rule in the early 16th century, absolute divorce had been widely practiced among our ancestral tribes—the Tagbanwas of Palawan, the Gadang of Nueva Vizcaya, the Sagada and Igorot of the Cordilleras, the Manobo, Bila-an and Moslems of Visayas and Mindanao islands, to name a few.”

During the American period and Japanese occupation, some form of divorce was already in place. It was actually the 1950 Civil Code of the Philippines that abolished these laws.

Here is a fun fact. The Philippines actually allows divorce, however only for the Muslims. There is the so-called Code of Muslim Personal Laws of the Philippines. Note that there’s a catch! A man can divorce his wife, but a woman cannot divorce her husband.

I hope that I helped letting you see both the good and the bad side of divorce. I have said my own opinion. Now, it is your turn to decide.

Would you support or go against the Divorce Bill?

The Other Side of the Coin

In the world, the Philippines and the Vatican are the only places where divorce is still illegal. We all know that the Philippines is a Christian nation and how their Faith and their Culture strongly influences the Filipinos.

Divorce has always been a controversial issue and I believe that the only way to be enlightened and be knowledgeable on the topic.

According to the latest survey, five out of ten Filipinos are Pro Divorce, while one out of five are still undecided.

Personally, I say that I am against divorce and I have stated all of the reasons why I am in my previous blogs. However, when I hear or read the side of the people who are pro divorce, I tend to somehow switch sides. But in the end of the day, when you ask me I am still against.
But somehow, I guess I am still confused.

Whenever I hear, “What about those people who suffers from marital abuse? Who gets emotional and worse, physical abuse from their spouse?” I tend think twice.
Those people deserve to get their life back. Without divorce, there can not have a room for happiness and to move on.

But as I contemplate, I realized that the bill will help those people who suffers from marital abuse. It is when enough is enough. They can not play the role of a martyr in their whole life. They deserve to be happy and get rid of their abusive partners.

Another point that was raised was that the Church sees the divorce bill on a general perspective.
Maybe, we should just face the fact that not all marriages succeeds.
There are a lot of reasons why they do not succeed. Each couple has a story. Some couples have a lighter situation, but some have big situations.

There are physical abuse, sexual infidelity, irreconcilable differences and conflicting personalities, gross irresponsibility, loss of affection, and many other conflicts between the couple.
According to the website of Philippine Commission on Women, “physical injuries and/or wife battering remains to be the most prevalent case across the twelve-year period, from 1997–2009, accounting nearly half (45.5 percent) of all reported violence against women (VAW) cases nationwide.”

In the Philippines, spousal abuse and infidelity are not grounds for the annulment of marriage.

In the end, whether the divorce bill will be passed or not, both the husband and the wife should really fight for their marriage to last. I believe that we should trust the Filipinos with their values. I still believe that the Fear of the Lord and their Faith is the top priority. Moreover, there are some marriage counselors that can give the best advice to maintain a happy relationship.

Now, having all these said. I would now say that I am Pro Divorce.

Don’t get me wrong. I would agree on having divorce bill passed here in the Philippines for the sake of the marital abused.

I would not want people to suffer their whole life with the wrong person, and lose the happiness in their life.

Divorce In Another Perspective

Even if I am really against divorce, I still believe that both sides should be heard. There are two sides in everything. And I believe that everything should be weighed. Pros and cons should be considered to get the best result.

I somehow got the idea from http://socyberty.com/law/divorce-in-the-philippines/, who believes that divorce should be legalized here in the Philippines.

The Philippines is a predominantly Christian Culture. It is the largest Christian Culture of all of Asia. It was because of the Spanish influence during the colonial period. Filipinos are very religious and follow strict Catholic rules. It is in their culture. Filipinos also follow very strict Catholic inspired laws, one of which is Divorce being illegal. For the reason that marriage is sacred in the eyes of God and it is very wrong to do such a thing. The only other option one might take to end a marriage is Annulment which is very costly.

“Pro-Lifers” they like to call themselves are those who are against divorce and claim that it’s anti-life. They also claim that it isn’t all about religion and it’s just in the Filipino character to keep the family together. Well it’s Culture and of your own beliefs powered by religion that makes you think that way.
They show statistics that a family that stays together have happier and healthier children and I don’t doubt that for a second, I totally agree. But those are most likely statistics of happy families. Why would people Divorce if they are happy together?

As part of being Filipino, is having a colonial mentality. We always tend to compare ourselves to the United States. I guess this is because of the effects of the Television. We are too exposed on media and we believe that what we see is right. We tend to justify their acts because we get so familiar with it.
They look the 50% Divorce rate and they instantly think that it’s an easy process that people for piety reasons. What happen to the Filipino character that they talked about? I guess we can not just generalize everything. Even Filipinos, not everyone is a pure devoted catholic, and not everyone thinks that the United States is the better country that we should follow.

In Spain where the people who influence much of our culture, their divorce rate is 17% and in Italy where our beloved Pope lives their divorce rate is 12%. Why are we so sure that we are going to follow the path of the Americans? We should learn to love and look at our own culture for what it is.
Divorce doesn’t solve the problems of these people, but so is staying in a marriage you’ve tried hard to save but still failed. What’s more painful/unhealthy for the children: having parents who are perfectly fine with each other although they are not married anymore, or having parents who are always at each other’s throats for the simplest reasons?

Let people have a choice in what to do with our lives. Not everybody follows your own beliefs and attitudes. I know how to respect your faith, so why don’t you do the same with mine. That being said, I strongly believe that divorce should be legalized in the Philippines.

Philippines and Divorce

Divorce has always been a controversial issue.

Before I state my opinions, I will discuss a brief historical background on how divorce bill started here in the Philippines.

The divorce bill is not actually a new issue.

I got these hard facts from http://thewutzup.com/2011/06/21/divorce-in-the-philippines/

It has been controversial ever since it was mentioned in the Philippine Congress. Representative Manuel C. Ortega filed the House Bill No. 6993 way back in 1991 to endorse the divorce to be legal in the Philippines. In 2001, Senator Rodolfo G. Biazon and Bellaflor J. Angara-Castolla filed a similar matter under the Senate Bill no. 782 and House Bill no. 878, respectively. Then, in 2005, a party-list representative Liza Masa of Gabriela also filed a divorce bill and filed it again during the 14th congress under House Bill no. 3461 to introduce it in the Philippines.

Today, DIVORCE has been HOT TOPIC not only inside the congress but also throughout the Philippines especially in the rural areas. There are different opinions coming out that categorizing the supporters and non-supporters of the said bill. Even the government officials have different opinions regarding the House Bill no. 3461.

“It is bound to be another one contentious bill, but let me just say that I myself is in favor of the bill. (It’s) very difficult to let the people who cannot continue to live together. “– Feliciano Belmonte
“Let us not keep our country in the dark ages. I appeal to my colleagues in Congress to let the legislative mill run its course on the Divorce bill without further delay and give Filipino couples in irreparable and unhappy marriages this option.”- Luzviminda Ilagan

For the non-supporters of the said Bill, marriage is not only a legal union but also a sacred union between the man and woman bless by God. These two persons institute themselves as partner for their whole life and promise not to separate whatever happens. But for the supporters, there are unhappy marriages all over the Philippines. These marriages are not working so why not end it. So, divorce is the only option for them.

Of course, this is a no brainer, the Catholic Church is against the said Bill.
It is interesting to note that the Catholic church would oppose the legalization of divorce. Since, some other said Christian countries like America has already legalized divorce. Would they also support making divorce illegal in those countries?

Divorce is currently illegal here in the Philippines, and the Catholic church would like it to remain that way.

Each person has their own view and opinion on this hot and very controversial issue.
This matter will take time for the Philippines to sort out. It is also significant for the congress to know the opinions of their citizens. This will help them to decide if the country needs the Divorce Bill or not.

The best way is still to sort out the positive and the negative sides of divorce.

In my Opinion...

If you were reading my blog from the start, you would know that personally I am against divorce.
In this blog entry, I would discuss my position on the issue of legalizing divorce in the Philippines.
Divorce was defined as the final termination of a marital union, canceling the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage and dissolving the bonds of matrimony between the parties. In most countries, divorce requires the sanction of a court or other authority in a legal process. The legal process for divorce may also involve issues of spousal support, child custody, child support, distribution of property and division of debt.

If the definition of divorce was taken into a consideration, it sounds good as it can indeed save you from any dilemma whom a married individual could have been facing.  But if you were to assess it, it is simply an escape which could lead nothing to but abuse and a growing number of broken families. Ending a marriage would not solve the roots of the problem. It is just avoiding the problem, avoiding arguments and other issues. Being able to just escape from all pains as easy as that sounds really good. But it does not resolve anything. People should be matured and face their problems. Like for example, putting a bandaid on a wound would not disinfect it, it would just cover it. Wounds should be treated and cleaned before it can be covered. For some, especially those who are very much eager to get out of their marriage, would definitely say Yes!

However, they would later realized and we will know that we are actually developing ourselves into indecisive individuals. Why should we seriously consider something particularly getting married when applying for a divorce is as easy as a snap of a finger?  Well, actually not a snap of a finger.  I  know the costs, pains and damages the divorce can cause. I have said this in my previous blogs. But, you get my point. Have you also thought that if divorce is legalized, you would certainly no longer exert an “extra effort” to fix whatever problems you have with your spouse? Also, imagine the future generations. They would not take marriage seriously, since divorce is just there available when needed.

Another point I would like to raise is that the Philippines is a Christian-Catholic country. The Holy Matrimony should remain holy. It is not just a plain, worthless contract sign off when you feel like things are going out of its way, you can at anytime terminate it. The more that it is not just like changing clothes in your closet, and changing it anytime you want. It is normal for people to fight and have arguments. In this world, there is no perfect relationship. Arguments can even somehow make a relationship stronger and even better.

This is just my opinion and what I believe in. However, I still believe that even if the divorce bill was passed. I think that the Filipinos would not make use of this as an excuse to end marriage. I still believe that their faith and the fear of the Lord is stronger.

The Six Types of Divorce Part II

Here are the next four types of divorce.

3.The economic divorce—the division of money and property.
The division of assets can be difficult. Since two households are more expensive than one, you may have less money to cover expenses due to divorce. As a result, you may need to learn new financial skills. Set up a budget based on your current expenses and income. If needed, community resources can help you find employment opportunities. You also may be eligible for job training or educational assistance. Insurance (health and life) and retirement plans can become even more important after divorce.

4.The co-parental divorce—the negotiation of parenting following marital separation and establishment of the bi-nuclear family.
You must learn how to continue your role as a parent while letting go of your spousal role. You cannot control the actions of your child’s other parent. However, your children will adjust better if you shield them from post-marital conflicts between you and the other parent.

The amount of time you spend with your children may change following divorce. You may feel overwhelmed if you have primary responsibility for their care. You may feel that you don’t have adequate time for yourself as an adult. On the other hand, you may feel lonely and out of touch if you spend less time with the child/children following divorce.
You can be successful as a parent in a bi-nuclear family if you:

•Avoid criticizing the other parent in front of the children.
•Don’t use your child/children as messengers to the other parent.
•Schedule meetings in an open and neutral location where you can talk with the other parent about the child/children.
•Use mediation, if needed, to help you talk together.
•Don’t ask the child/children for information about the other parent.
•Don’t make your child/children your confidante(s).
•Seek out adult friends, family members, support groups, or counselors to fulfill this role.

5.The community divorce—the changes that occur in relationships with friends and the community.

As the divorce process continues you may receive less support from family and friends. You may feel as though fewer people are willing to help when you need them most. You may no longer feel comfortable around your married friends. The mutual friends that you and your former spouse shared prior to divorce may seem uncomfortable in your presence. They may not want to take sides.

You may feel nervous about starting to date again, especially if you haven’t dated for years. Support groups through your church, community, or work can help you establish new friendships. A divorce support group offers a setting where you can share your personal experiences with others. If you are not feeling good about yourself, consider seeking counseling to help build your self-esteem.

6.The psychological divorce—the process of mental separation and the development of your independence.

This is the “true” separation from the marital partner. At this point you learn to be self-supportive. You may develop insight as to the reasons why you decided to marry and divorce. Instead of spending time blaming another person for the divorce, you can spend your time adapting to the divorce as you learn about yourself and new ways to relate to others.

You know that you have adapted to divorce in a healthy manner if you:
•Have accepted that the marriage is over
•Have let go of the anger.
•Remember both the good and bad aspects of the marriage.
•Have made peace with the other parent of your children
and with yourself.
•Are realistic about how you contributed to the divorce.
•Have established a support network outside former marriage-related friendships. •Have developed future goals.
• Have allowed yourself time to heal before beginning another relationship.
•Are planning your life as a single person.

These information are brought to you by MK Lawler - pods.dasnr.okstate.edu

The Six Types of Divorce

Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. It can be contrasted with an annulment, which is a declaration that a marriage is void, though the effects of marriage may be recognized in such unions, such as spousal support or alimony, child custody, child support, and distribution of property.

In many developed countries, divorce rates increased markedly during the twentieth century. Among the states in which divorce has become commonplace are the United States, South Korea, and members of the European Union, with the exception of Malta (where all civil marriages are for life, because civil divorce is banned). In the USA, Canada, the United Kingdom, and some other developed Commonwealth countries, this divorce boom developed in the last half of the twentieth century. In addition, acceptance of the single-parent family has resulted in many women deciding to have children outside marriage, as there is little remaining social stigma attached to unwed mothers in some societies. Japan retains a markedly lower divorce rate, though it has increased in recent years. The subject of divorce as a social phenomenon is an important research topic in sociology.In fact, the statistics of a survey conducted by Citibank on divorce in the United States suggested that more than fifty percent of divorced couples cited money problems as the cause of their divorce

A divorce must be certified by a court of law, as a legal action is needed to dissolve the prior legal act of marriage. The terms of the divorce are also determined by the court, though they may take into account prenuptial agreements or postnuptial agreements, or simply ratify terms that the spouses have agreed on privately. Often, however, the spouses disagree about the terms of the divorce, which can lead to stressful (and expensive) litigation. A less adversarial approach to divorce settlements has emerged in recent years, known as mediation, an attempt to negotiate mutually acceptable resolution to conflicts.

This fact sheet provides information regarding six different types of divorce. Each type will affect individuals in a different way. By learning about the processes, you may be able to move through each type of divorce more successfully.

1.The emotional divorce—the emotional separation and feelings associated with it.
You need to let go of your feelings about the marriage. You may feel that you and your partner have grown apart. You may be angry and disappointed. Often these feelings occur before the legal divorce is finalized. Some individuals have emotional issues for years after the legal divorce.
You and your spouse should decide the most effective way to handle household responsibilities. One partner may move out of the house, changing roles and responsibilities. You should discuss how to inform friends and family of the impending legal divorce.

The emotional divorce takes more work when children are involved. Children probably will be dealing with anger, sadness, fear, confusion, or rejection, and their feelings may make it more difficult for you to process your own emotions. The ongoing relationships between your children and both of their parents also complicate the resolution of emotional issues.

2.The legal divorce—the lawful end of the marriage by court action.
The legal divorce marks the end of the marital relationship. It allows individuals the choice to remarry in the future. Although you may have feelings of helplessness, your attorney and the court system can help make decisions regarding your situation. Tell your lawyer if you want more control over these decisions. Professional mediation can be useful in resolving difficult issues and developing a co-parenting plan when children are involved.

The next four types of divorce are in the next blog entry