This is the next five tips from my previous blog, Turning Something "Bad"...
Break ups does make people feel down, sad, left out and very emotional. It lowers one’s self-esteem.
Do not let a break up make you feel useless. You are worth it!
Follow these useful tips, and be learn how to be happy again!
PLAN AND CONQUER
"If we don't set our schedules, somebody else will set it for us," declares Dr. Trent, which is what has happened in most breakups. This may be difficult emotionally, so he recommends choosing one goal at a time to work toward. This may be to make it through the day, travel or earn a master's degree. Frei emphasizes rewarding yourself for accomplishing goals.
TAKE TIME TO GREIVE AND START WITH A CLEAN SLATE
People heal at different paces. Allow yourself time to feel, cry. "Clear up reminders," says Frei, by purging things in your living space that remind you of the person. Don't get involved in a new relationship too quickly, which may transfer feelings from your old relationship to the new one; rather, "take time with friends to get rid of the loneliness feeling."
ENRICH OTHERS THROUGH VOLUNTEERING
Volunteering is a great way to achieve self-actualization while helping others. The caveat: People may not feel like volunteering. Regardless, Dr. Trent believes "actions dictate feelings, not the reverse. When we begin to take actions that are positive… that generates positive feelings. Not the opposite." Take the first step, and the feelings will naturally follow.
REDISCOVER YOURSELF
Relationships are often filled with many compromises. Create a vision board by cutting out pictures and words from magazines that are meaningful to you in a relationship, or print your own, and paste them to a poster board. This constant visual reminder will fill your mind with positive energy and remind you what can be achieved each day.
SORRY, JERRY MAGUIRE – YOU DON'T COMPLETE ME
Contrary to the popular movie line, Frei says, "Love isn't about somebody completing you; we're all complete." Develop your weaknesses so you don't search for them in a partner and sacrifice good qualities (kind and loving) for the one strength you're fixated on (someone who is good with money). Positive qualities attract positive people. Focus on developing yourself verses finding satiation in another.
These helpful tips were also from www.sheknows.com
My personal tip in a break up situation is that you need time to cry. Be sad for a moment. You can never be strong all the time. Face the reality. You do not have to pretend that you are okay, and nothing is wrong. It is okay to cry. So, for that moment cry and be sad.
But after that, shake it off! Smile! And Move on!
Breaking up is not the worst thing that could happen. Breaking up would mean something better is meant for you!
Think Positive, and Smile!
Note: These tips are mostly for women.
However, there are also tips that men could use and apply to themselves.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Turning Something "Bad"...
Yesterday, I have read numerous bitter divorce stories. Then, I decided to post success divorce stories to eliminate all the negativities.
Now, I have decided to post an entry of something new and fresh to help reduce all the negativities in break ups.
Breaking up is never going to be a good news. Unfortunately, there are times wherein some people have to go through with it.
In line with my previous blog filled with positivities, I am going to post an entry to make people knowledgeable that break ups could be something good. Moreover, something that they could benefit from.
These tips are simple, yet helpful!
Here are 10 ways one can make a break up a positive thing and benefit-able. Not even sure if that’s even a word. Oh, well! You get my point.
Just keep on reading, and you might get something useful.
These helpful tips were also from www.sheknows.com
REDIRECT YOUR NEGATIVE ENERGY
Trade male bashing for some sweating -- we mean glistening, for us ladies. Dr. John Trent, head coach of StrongFamilies.com, says exercise is therapeutic on many levels and even simple things like walking or running are a positive way to deal with emotion. Even though you may not feel like getting up off the couch after a breakup, you will feel better once you do. And you'll look more hot and fit than ever before!
TAKE TIME FOR EXTREME SELF CARE
People tend to beat themselves up after a breakup, says Heidi Frei, life coach of Heidi Frei Coaching & Consulting. Rid yourself of "I should haves" – you know those phrases that circumvent your thoughts, like "I should have left him earlier" – and instead surround yourself with people who love you. Don't worry about what other people think. Make the best decision for yourself.
LISTEN TO YOURSELF
Frei notes one of the biggest problems women have after a breakup is not putting themselves first. To resolve this unsettled feeling, she recommends beginning a journal. Writing down the thoughts your former partner didn't listen to and allowing yourself to focus on them now, can be restorative. Learn to say "yes" when things are good for you and "no" when things are bad.
TREAT YOURSELF LIKE A KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR WOULD
If you can't treat yourself with love, how will someone else? Frei says it's important to "treat yourself like you want your ideal partner to treat you." Buy yourself flowers for a special occasion, pamper yourself at the spa or plan a fun weekend getaway.
MIND OVER MATTER ISN'T SO
Dr. Trent says rekindling positivity after a breakup is simple, although not easy: "Understand that you cannot out-logic emotions." That is thinking something shouldn't bother you despite your emotional reactions, like negative feelings when seeing couples in public, even though you "should" be over it. Fill your mind with constructive thoughts, and don't fret when logic seems anything but rational.
The next five tips, will be posted on my next blog entry! Keep on reading, and help yourself!
Now, I have decided to post an entry of something new and fresh to help reduce all the negativities in break ups.
Breaking up is never going to be a good news. Unfortunately, there are times wherein some people have to go through with it.
In line with my previous blog filled with positivities, I am going to post an entry to make people knowledgeable that break ups could be something good. Moreover, something that they could benefit from.
These tips are simple, yet helpful!
Here are 10 ways one can make a break up a positive thing and benefit-able. Not even sure if that’s even a word. Oh, well! You get my point.
Just keep on reading, and you might get something useful.
These helpful tips were also from www.sheknows.com
REDIRECT YOUR NEGATIVE ENERGY
Trade male bashing for some sweating -- we mean glistening, for us ladies. Dr. John Trent, head coach of StrongFamilies.com, says exercise is therapeutic on many levels and even simple things like walking or running are a positive way to deal with emotion. Even though you may not feel like getting up off the couch after a breakup, you will feel better once you do. And you'll look more hot and fit than ever before!
TAKE TIME FOR EXTREME SELF CARE
People tend to beat themselves up after a breakup, says Heidi Frei, life coach of Heidi Frei Coaching & Consulting. Rid yourself of "I should haves" – you know those phrases that circumvent your thoughts, like "I should have left him earlier" – and instead surround yourself with people who love you. Don't worry about what other people think. Make the best decision for yourself.
LISTEN TO YOURSELF
Frei notes one of the biggest problems women have after a breakup is not putting themselves first. To resolve this unsettled feeling, she recommends beginning a journal. Writing down the thoughts your former partner didn't listen to and allowing yourself to focus on them now, can be restorative. Learn to say "yes" when things are good for you and "no" when things are bad.
TREAT YOURSELF LIKE A KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR WOULD
If you can't treat yourself with love, how will someone else? Frei says it's important to "treat yourself like you want your ideal partner to treat you." Buy yourself flowers for a special occasion, pamper yourself at the spa or plan a fun weekend getaway.
MIND OVER MATTER ISN'T SO
Dr. Trent says rekindling positivity after a breakup is simple, although not easy: "Understand that you cannot out-logic emotions." That is thinking something shouldn't bother you despite your emotional reactions, like negative feelings when seeing couples in public, even though you "should" be over it. Fill your mind with constructive thoughts, and don't fret when logic seems anything but rational.
The next five tips, will be posted on my next blog entry! Keep on reading, and help yourself!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
...But a Better Ending!
[continuation...]
The other three success divorce stories from my previous blog.
"My first husband and I were married in a beautiful Catholic ceremony. About a year later, I came home from a meeting and my husband was at the kitchen table working on his laptop. He was in good spirits and indicated he was planning to go out to watch football with a group of friends from work. I thought nothing of it... At 2 a.m. the phone rang. It was my husband, telling me he had been arrested... He was charged with four felonies, including importuning and soliciting a minor for sex! He convinced me it was a misunderstanding. I endured the humiliation of his arrest being on television and the radio. I came to understand that our entire marriage had been a charade. Everything that came out of his mouth was a lie. I eventually told him I wanted a divorce. I later learned that he had been cheating on me the entire time. I was so depressed... Finally, I woke up one day and discovered that I actually had it pretty good. I picked myself up and put away the wine glasses. I went to Europe for the first time. I bought my own house -- painted and decorated it myself. I decided to start dating again. I met a man on Match.com -- he proposed 16 months later. We have one son and another child on the way. I am truly convinced that everything happens for a reason." - Maureen
"I was very inspired by my divorce. I have turned my lemons into lemonade. I am the founder of the National Association of Divorce for Women and Children, a 24/7 resource center that supports single-again women. When I divorced 14 years ago, I was searching for tools to help move my life forward, and to be the best role model for my children. That's when I became certified in the coaching field. I'm also a certified behavior consultant. I have been working with family law attorneys for years and have developed a program called "Single Again! Now What?", a 12-week program mentoring other divorcees. My joy is when I see a mom believe in herself again." - Joanie
"I got married at 20 and was completely insecure. I thought I needed a man to complete me, but I was comatose, walking through marriage without feeling alive. I was terrified my life was over but more terrified that if I left, no other man would want me. My husband wasn't bad to me -- I just got married too young and didn't even know what love was. My turning point was when some of my students dared me to rap. It led me to try, and stimulated me to see there was life beyond an unsatisfying job. My husband hated me being out so much. I was no longer the constant wife-y type, coming home from school to cook and clean and plan social dates with friends. Eventually, I decided that I needed to live instead of passing time. When I finally left I danced out and didn't take a dime in alimony. My freedom was worth everything and all I needed. I'm still good friends with my ex. It was very amicable. He was a good person, but couldn't handle me changing." - Daylle
The other three success divorce stories from my previous blog.
"My first husband and I were married in a beautiful Catholic ceremony. About a year later, I came home from a meeting and my husband was at the kitchen table working on his laptop. He was in good spirits and indicated he was planning to go out to watch football with a group of friends from work. I thought nothing of it... At 2 a.m. the phone rang. It was my husband, telling me he had been arrested... He was charged with four felonies, including importuning and soliciting a minor for sex! He convinced me it was a misunderstanding. I endured the humiliation of his arrest being on television and the radio. I came to understand that our entire marriage had been a charade. Everything that came out of his mouth was a lie. I eventually told him I wanted a divorce. I later learned that he had been cheating on me the entire time. I was so depressed... Finally, I woke up one day and discovered that I actually had it pretty good. I picked myself up and put away the wine glasses. I went to Europe for the first time. I bought my own house -- painted and decorated it myself. I decided to start dating again. I met a man on Match.com -- he proposed 16 months later. We have one son and another child on the way. I am truly convinced that everything happens for a reason." - Maureen
"I was very inspired by my divorce. I have turned my lemons into lemonade. I am the founder of the National Association of Divorce for Women and Children, a 24/7 resource center that supports single-again women. When I divorced 14 years ago, I was searching for tools to help move my life forward, and to be the best role model for my children. That's when I became certified in the coaching field. I'm also a certified behavior consultant. I have been working with family law attorneys for years and have developed a program called "Single Again! Now What?", a 12-week program mentoring other divorcees. My joy is when I see a mom believe in herself again." - Joanie
"I got married at 20 and was completely insecure. I thought I needed a man to complete me, but I was comatose, walking through marriage without feeling alive. I was terrified my life was over but more terrified that if I left, no other man would want me. My husband wasn't bad to me -- I just got married too young and didn't even know what love was. My turning point was when some of my students dared me to rap. It led me to try, and stimulated me to see there was life beyond an unsatisfying job. My husband hated me being out so much. I was no longer the constant wife-y type, coming home from school to cook and clean and plan social dates with friends. Eventually, I decided that I needed to live instead of passing time. When I finally left I danced out and didn't take a dime in alimony. My freedom was worth everything and all I needed. I'm still good friends with my ex. It was very amicable. He was a good person, but couldn't handle me changing." - Daylle
Not a Bitter Ending..
Today, I read more than twelve divorce stories. My eyes got tired from reading tons of stories. Most part of the stories were just them ranting about how bad their partner was, how she was a slut, or how he was such a thief or user.
I can not find a good story that we can learn from or even use as an example for my second entry in my new series, What’s Your Story? I can not use the stories, since they are too exaggerated. I will post some of the phrases or sentences from the stories that I am talking about.
Almost all of the divorce stories are written by people who cannot move on or still bitter from their break up.
Here are some example phrases from the divorce stories that I have read.
"She is abusive and will puch the blame on you and will lie to u about being raped just to get attention and sympathy which is all of course untrue stories."
"I have a forged gov't check from her, forged medical documents, false claims in letters from her, and lots more crap I would love to share with anyone! Stay away from the devil!"
"She will push blame onto everyone else and make others look bad when in fact it is really her who is the insane one."
"Then he started taking money out of my account which did not have his name on it. He had stole my ATM card. Turns out my ex is a compulsive liar."
"Nicole Martinez is a liar and every man alive needs to stay away. You might get an STD."
There are so much more ranting from these people.
So now, I decided not to continue the series of divorce stories. Because I cannot really find any good divorce stories that I can use as an example for the series.
On the bright side, I have found 6 success stories from www.sheknows.com
"I am a very successful divorcee. I married the love of my life, and after 12 years of a great partnership, we changed and realized we loved each other so much that we had to let each other go. Since we divorced, we have worked together professionally and love it! My 'was-band' found an amazing woman and we are both happier, healthier and love that we are still in each other's lives. You know the old saying, 'When you love someone, set them free?' Well, in our case, we came back to each other professionally and have a very deep love for each other. Friends called our divorce the 'divorce of the decade.'"
- Lorrie
"My ex-husband and I have an excellent working relationship. We share custody -- one week on, one week off -- and have agreed that we will always give each other the opportunity to have more time with the kids if we need childcare. We both agreed that it wasn't about us. It was about the kids, first and foremost. We are told by many divorced friends that we are fortunate to be good friends now, and should be the example of what divorced parents should be." - Natalie
"I have been divorced for exactly a year now. I am finally in a great place! I haven't been this happy nor healthy (mentally and physically) in years. I was married for 20 years and began to grow in ways that my ex just couldn't understand. I went through a very difficult divorce -- my ex was very controlling and mentally abusive. I was scared to death to leave, but I began to get stronger. I have turned my story into a business called AndeLifeCoach.com, where I coach other people to find their 'authentic' true selves. I have never looked or felt better." - Andrea
I can not find a good story that we can learn from or even use as an example for my second entry in my new series, What’s Your Story? I can not use the stories, since they are too exaggerated. I will post some of the phrases or sentences from the stories that I am talking about.
Almost all of the divorce stories are written by people who cannot move on or still bitter from their break up.
Here are some example phrases from the divorce stories that I have read.
"She is abusive and will puch the blame on you and will lie to u about being raped just to get attention and sympathy which is all of course untrue stories."
"I have a forged gov't check from her, forged medical documents, false claims in letters from her, and lots more crap I would love to share with anyone! Stay away from the devil!"
"She will push blame onto everyone else and make others look bad when in fact it is really her who is the insane one."
"Then he started taking money out of my account which did not have his name on it. He had stole my ATM card. Turns out my ex is a compulsive liar."
"Nicole Martinez is a liar and every man alive needs to stay away. You might get an STD."
There are so much more ranting from these people.
So now, I decided not to continue the series of divorce stories. Because I cannot really find any good divorce stories that I can use as an example for the series.
On the bright side, I have found 6 success stories from www.sheknows.com
"I am a very successful divorcee. I married the love of my life, and after 12 years of a great partnership, we changed and realized we loved each other so much that we had to let each other go. Since we divorced, we have worked together professionally and love it! My 'was-band' found an amazing woman and we are both happier, healthier and love that we are still in each other's lives. You know the old saying, 'When you love someone, set them free?' Well, in our case, we came back to each other professionally and have a very deep love for each other. Friends called our divorce the 'divorce of the decade.'"
- Lorrie
"My ex-husband and I have an excellent working relationship. We share custody -- one week on, one week off -- and have agreed that we will always give each other the opportunity to have more time with the kids if we need childcare. We both agreed that it wasn't about us. It was about the kids, first and foremost. We are told by many divorced friends that we are fortunate to be good friends now, and should be the example of what divorced parents should be." - Natalie
"I have been divorced for exactly a year now. I am finally in a great place! I haven't been this happy nor healthy (mentally and physically) in years. I was married for 20 years and began to grow in ways that my ex just couldn't understand. I went through a very difficult divorce -- my ex was very controlling and mentally abusive. I was scared to death to leave, but I began to get stronger. I have turned my story into a business called AndeLifeCoach.com, where I coach other people to find their 'authentic' true selves. I have never looked or felt better." - Andrea
Sunday, June 19, 2011
It's Funny but It's Real Part Two
Here's the other five bizarre divorce stories from my previous blog.
Obsessive cleaning leads to divorce
A woman from Germany left her husband after 15 years of marriage because he was cleaning obsessively everything in the house all of the time. She’d been patient for that long, having empathy for her man’s disorder, but her patience ran out when the guy had rebuilt a wall in their house because it’d gone dirty.
He gave her his heart and his kidney, but…
Dr Richard Batista could do nothing but to watch his wife slowly dying from kidneys failure. Her organism rejected the donated organs from her father and her brother, before it became clear that her husband’s kidney matches perfect. Batista never hesitated and saved his wife’s life. Given the most valuable present and building a romantic fairytale of happy marriage, full of love, commitment and sacrifice, she returned to their home healthy and… jumped into another man’s embrace. Angered husband couldn’t believe the lack of gratitude he was faced with, so despite divorce he wanted his kidney back. As the donated organ was not a marital asset he couldn’t get it back, so he wanted 1.5 million dollars. The Supreme Court has denied his claim because it was not legal to put a monetary value on a human organ.
When religion takes part
A woman from Saudi Arabia has requested a divorce because her husband broke the strict Islamic codes. He asked for a sneak of her face. It wouldn’t be strange if they were not married, but 30 years of living together talk that, at least for the Western world, this is a bizarre reason for getting divorced. It happened while she was sleeping as the husband lifted her veil off her face to finally see how she looks. Unfortunately she woke up, and although he was apologizing and promising that he won’t repeat it again, she left him forever.
“Divorce! Divorce! Be Patient! Be Patient! I Love You! I Love You!”
In a hilarious Chinese case a woman requested divorce using the testimony of the family’s parrot. As it’s well known, the speaking birds use to repeat the words that they hear more often. For this betrayed Chinese wife it was clear that her man is having an affair when their parrot repeated words and phrases like “divorce”, “be patient” and “I love you” in recent times, supposedly that the bird was hearing to husband’s conversation with his mistress. The wife tried to use the parrot as a witness on the trial, but although she gained a divorce, the bird’s testimony, of course, wasn’t accepted by the court.
Splitting assets equal before the divorce
Being suspicious that his wife is having an affair with a local cop, a man from a village near Phnom Penh, Cambodia, has decided to end their 18 years lasting marriage. Although they have had a conversation about the issue for some time, one day Moeun (the husband) and his relatives and friends showed up “armed” with a lot of chainsaws and, we guess, with some alcohol in blood (or some blood in alcohol), and divided the house in two equal parts, probably supposing that the court would make the same decision later. What’s more interesting, they moved his share to his parents’ place, although it’s useless without the other part. Fortunately they hadn’t kids.
Hope you had fun reading!
Obsessive cleaning leads to divorce
A woman from Germany left her husband after 15 years of marriage because he was cleaning obsessively everything in the house all of the time. She’d been patient for that long, having empathy for her man’s disorder, but her patience ran out when the guy had rebuilt a wall in their house because it’d gone dirty.
He gave her his heart and his kidney, but…
Dr Richard Batista could do nothing but to watch his wife slowly dying from kidneys failure. Her organism rejected the donated organs from her father and her brother, before it became clear that her husband’s kidney matches perfect. Batista never hesitated and saved his wife’s life. Given the most valuable present and building a romantic fairytale of happy marriage, full of love, commitment and sacrifice, she returned to their home healthy and… jumped into another man’s embrace. Angered husband couldn’t believe the lack of gratitude he was faced with, so despite divorce he wanted his kidney back. As the donated organ was not a marital asset he couldn’t get it back, so he wanted 1.5 million dollars. The Supreme Court has denied his claim because it was not legal to put a monetary value on a human organ.
When religion takes part
A woman from Saudi Arabia has requested a divorce because her husband broke the strict Islamic codes. He asked for a sneak of her face. It wouldn’t be strange if they were not married, but 30 years of living together talk that, at least for the Western world, this is a bizarre reason for getting divorced. It happened while she was sleeping as the husband lifted her veil off her face to finally see how she looks. Unfortunately she woke up, and although he was apologizing and promising that he won’t repeat it again, she left him forever.
“Divorce! Divorce! Be Patient! Be Patient! I Love You! I Love You!”
In a hilarious Chinese case a woman requested divorce using the testimony of the family’s parrot. As it’s well known, the speaking birds use to repeat the words that they hear more often. For this betrayed Chinese wife it was clear that her man is having an affair when their parrot repeated words and phrases like “divorce”, “be patient” and “I love you” in recent times, supposedly that the bird was hearing to husband’s conversation with his mistress. The wife tried to use the parrot as a witness on the trial, but although she gained a divorce, the bird’s testimony, of course, wasn’t accepted by the court.
Splitting assets equal before the divorce
Being suspicious that his wife is having an affair with a local cop, a man from a village near Phnom Penh, Cambodia, has decided to end their 18 years lasting marriage. Although they have had a conversation about the issue for some time, one day Moeun (the husband) and his relatives and friends showed up “armed” with a lot of chainsaws and, we guess, with some alcohol in blood (or some blood in alcohol), and divided the house in two equal parts, probably supposing that the court would make the same decision later. What’s more interesting, they moved his share to his parents’ place, although it’s useless without the other part. Fortunately they hadn’t kids.
Hope you had fun reading!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
It's Funny but It's Real
While I was googling for divorce stories for my second entry on my series What’s Your Story, I found something very interesting on the web.
It was called 10 Tragicomic Divorce Stories from urbantitan.com
Each couple would marry each other hoping to have a happily ever after. Just like in the movies or in fairy tales. Unfortunately it does not happen every time. Here is a list of ten of the world’s most bizarre or, for some, hilarious divorce stories.
I know I have said that divorce is a serious and a very emotional process. However, these stories are really odd and somewhat funny.
Most of the stories on this list come from out of the Western world and have happened in different cultures. Maybe they seem normal somewhere else, but still nobody would like to happen to him or her.
These stories may be funny, but they are actual and are true to life stories.
No bath – no wife
Only a month ago an engineer woman from Egypt had to move to court to divorce her husband after he refused to take a bath in the first month of their marriage. Her “Prince Charming” told her that he has some kind of allergy of water which doesn’t allow him to bathe. Surprised, wife asked for doctor’s advice and he told her that although the decease exists it doesn’t prevent him from cleaning his body. The guy was outraged when his wife confronted him with this fact telling her just that “it was his habit.” He refused to give her divorce, so his wife had to gain it through a court decision.
“Neil Brady has ended his marriage with Emma Brady”
This is a story about becoming-trendy Facebook break ups. Neil Brady updated his status with the message “Neil Brady has ended his marriage with Emma Brady.” Concerned friend of the now-ex-wife called her to ask if she’s all right, but instead of compassion she just caused shock. When Neil Brady came back home from job he’s been acting like nothing happened. But when his wife asked him about the update he lost his temper and threw her out of house and locked her in the back garden accusing her for having an affair. After the incident ended he was fined for his behavior and had to pay compensation to his humiliated wife. Their marriage lasted six years and had one kid.
Without his penis extension – without his wife
Back in 2008, 47 years old Grigory Toporov from Voronezh, Russia added some inches to his masculinity in order to give better pleasure to his demanding wife. Unfortunately, during a wild sex session the extension snapped off. It was enough for his wife to kick him out of the bedroom looking for divorce stating that she was “fed up with his failures in bed.” Toporov bagged her claiming that he aimed to fix the problem getting a new one, but his wife didn’t want to listen anymore.
The wife that couldn’t stand her mother-in-law
This is a characteristic story for tough patriarchal communities mixed up with some Freudian theory example. Only after 10 months in marriage, 22 years old Elena from Romania bid for divorce because she couldn’t stand the remarks of her mother-in-law during the lunch that she’s ruining their marriage. She stated to the court that her life in last ten months turned to nightmare because of her husband’s mother. The judge, of course, asked her to find better reason to separate from her husband, because she was married to him, not his mother.
Not fulfilling the marriage duties
A man named Chen and a woman named Lin, both teachers from China, were introduced by a matchmaker. They got married after three months dating, but then the problems began. On the first night as a married couple Lin dressed up as much as she can wear. When Chen tried to drop all her clothes off intending to sleep with her, she rejected him saying that he is ridiculous. She returned to her mother’s home the very next day, leaving the poor man alone. After one more matchmaker intervention Lin signed a contract agreeing to sleep with her husband, but only for the purpose of procreation, demanding to sleep separately. Chen couldn’t stand that anymore and requested a divorce, which was granted.
It was called 10 Tragicomic Divorce Stories from urbantitan.com
Each couple would marry each other hoping to have a happily ever after. Just like in the movies or in fairy tales. Unfortunately it does not happen every time. Here is a list of ten of the world’s most bizarre or, for some, hilarious divorce stories.
I know I have said that divorce is a serious and a very emotional process. However, these stories are really odd and somewhat funny.
Most of the stories on this list come from out of the Western world and have happened in different cultures. Maybe they seem normal somewhere else, but still nobody would like to happen to him or her.
These stories may be funny, but they are actual and are true to life stories.
No bath – no wife
Only a month ago an engineer woman from Egypt had to move to court to divorce her husband after he refused to take a bath in the first month of their marriage. Her “Prince Charming” told her that he has some kind of allergy of water which doesn’t allow him to bathe. Surprised, wife asked for doctor’s advice and he told her that although the decease exists it doesn’t prevent him from cleaning his body. The guy was outraged when his wife confronted him with this fact telling her just that “it was his habit.” He refused to give her divorce, so his wife had to gain it through a court decision.
“Neil Brady has ended his marriage with Emma Brady”
This is a story about becoming-trendy Facebook break ups. Neil Brady updated his status with the message “Neil Brady has ended his marriage with Emma Brady.” Concerned friend of the now-ex-wife called her to ask if she’s all right, but instead of compassion she just caused shock. When Neil Brady came back home from job he’s been acting like nothing happened. But when his wife asked him about the update he lost his temper and threw her out of house and locked her in the back garden accusing her for having an affair. After the incident ended he was fined for his behavior and had to pay compensation to his humiliated wife. Their marriage lasted six years and had one kid.
Without his penis extension – without his wife
Back in 2008, 47 years old Grigory Toporov from Voronezh, Russia added some inches to his masculinity in order to give better pleasure to his demanding wife. Unfortunately, during a wild sex session the extension snapped off. It was enough for his wife to kick him out of the bedroom looking for divorce stating that she was “fed up with his failures in bed.” Toporov bagged her claiming that he aimed to fix the problem getting a new one, but his wife didn’t want to listen anymore.
The wife that couldn’t stand her mother-in-law
This is a characteristic story for tough patriarchal communities mixed up with some Freudian theory example. Only after 10 months in marriage, 22 years old Elena from Romania bid for divorce because she couldn’t stand the remarks of her mother-in-law during the lunch that she’s ruining their marriage. She stated to the court that her life in last ten months turned to nightmare because of her husband’s mother. The judge, of course, asked her to find better reason to separate from her husband, because she was married to him, not his mother.
Not fulfilling the marriage duties
A man named Chen and a woman named Lin, both teachers from China, were introduced by a matchmaker. They got married after three months dating, but then the problems began. On the first night as a married couple Lin dressed up as much as she can wear. When Chen tried to drop all her clothes off intending to sleep with her, she rejected him saying that he is ridiculous. She returned to her mother’s home the very next day, leaving the poor man alone. After one more matchmaker intervention Lin signed a contract agreeing to sleep with her husband, but only for the purpose of procreation, demanding to sleep separately. Chen couldn’t stand that anymore and requested a divorce, which was granted.
What's Your Story?
What’s your story is going to be a series of stories of real people who experienced divorce or thinking about filing a divorce. We can learn through their experience.
This I’m sure sound so cliche, but I couldn’t have said it better.
Some people learn from their mistakes, but smart people learn from other people's mistakes
Today, I am going to start with my first entry to this series.
I’ve been saying on my previous blogs that divorce is something that a couple should think rationally about. They should not just decide compulsively. Divorce is a big thing. It could and would change your life then and there.
There are a lot of things a couple should consider before filing the divorce, or even thinking of filing one. There are ways to resolve things, and they should try everything before deciding on filing a divorce.
Always remember that divorce is always the last option.
Here is a story from http://www.womansdivorce.com/ about a woman who filed a divorce and still regret.
My say in this situation is that regret is always at the end. So, what can I say to you is that everything happens for a reason and just to make you feel better, remember why you thought of filing a divorce, and why you did.
I believe that you are a strong and an intelligent person. You had suffered enough with him, and it is time for you to be happy. You have said that he drank a lot during the marriage, and also had an affair. That having been said, is enough reason to be separated with him. To end the suffering and emotional pain.
Another tip is find other things to do. Divert your thoughts, and find something that could be fulfilling to do.
Remember this, you deserve to be happy and he is not even worth it. He has moved on, and it is your time to move on as well. Be happy with what you have. You still have two beautiful children who loves you.
It does not matter if you become happy alone, or with a new man. But as long as your happy, and you know you are. Everything is well.
This I’m sure sound so cliche, but I couldn’t have said it better.
Some people learn from their mistakes, but smart people learn from other people's mistakes
Today, I am going to start with my first entry to this series.
I’ve been saying on my previous blogs that divorce is something that a couple should think rationally about. They should not just decide compulsively. Divorce is a big thing. It could and would change your life then and there.
There are a lot of things a couple should consider before filing the divorce, or even thinking of filing one. There are ways to resolve things, and they should try everything before deciding on filing a divorce.
Always remember that divorce is always the last option.
Here is a story from http://www.womansdivorce.com/ about a woman who filed a divorce and still regret.
It's been three years and I still regret the divorce
Victoria was married for twenty years and they had two children together. Her daughter is 16 and son 23. His husband drank a lot during their marriage, went into an AA program, and during the program he had an affair. Victoria told him that she wanted a divorce. Now, she regret it because it's been 3 years and she still can't get over the divorce. His husband found someone else, they are living together and he says he is happier than he ever has been (which hurts her even more). She is in DivoceCare, goes to Church and believe in God. She have days where she is OK, but she thinks of the time she spent with him and it hurts. She considers herself as an intelligent person, so why can't she get over this?
My say in this situation is that regret is always at the end. So, what can I say to you is that everything happens for a reason and just to make you feel better, remember why you thought of filing a divorce, and why you did.
I believe that you are a strong and an intelligent person. You had suffered enough with him, and it is time for you to be happy. You have said that he drank a lot during the marriage, and also had an affair. That having been said, is enough reason to be separated with him. To end the suffering and emotional pain.
Another tip is find other things to do. Divert your thoughts, and find something that could be fulfilling to do.
Remember this, you deserve to be happy and he is not even worth it. He has moved on, and it is your time to move on as well. Be happy with what you have. You still have two beautiful children who loves you.
It does not matter if you become happy alone, or with a new man. But as long as your happy, and you know you are. Everything is well.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Divorce and The Bible Part Two
Mark 10:2-12
And some Pharisees came up to Him, testing Him, and began to question Him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife. And He answered and said to them, "What did Moses command you?" And they said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away." But Jesus said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. "But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. "For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh; consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." And in the house the disciples began questioning Him about this again. And He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery."
Luke 16:18
"Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery.
1 Corinthians 7:10-15
But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not send his wife away. But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, let him not send her away. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, let her not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.
1 Corinthians 7:39
A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
Deuteronomy 24:1-4
"When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man's wife, and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God gives you as an inheritance.
And some Pharisees came up to Him, testing Him, and began to question Him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife. And He answered and said to them, "What did Moses command you?" And they said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away." But Jesus said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. "But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. "For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh; consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." And in the house the disciples began questioning Him about this again. And He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery."
Luke 16:18
"Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery.
1 Corinthians 7:10-15
But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not send his wife away. But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, let him not send her away. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, let her not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.
1 Corinthians 7:39
A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
Deuteronomy 24:1-4
"When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man's wife, and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God gives you as an inheritance.
Divorce and The Bible
Divorce has been a very controversial topic in the Philippines. It has been debated between the state or the government and the Catholic Church. So why has it been controversial? What did the Bible say about this topic? Did the Bible really say that divorce is bad or evil? Did the Bible really forbid divorce? Are there cases wherein the Bible would allow it? Why are there churches who would want to allow divorce? What does the Bible teach?
A biblical definition of divorce is necessary in order to understand what divorce is thoroughly. According to Steve Clay, LPC, Divorce is a declaration that the promises made concerning covenant companionship are no longer expected, required, or permitted. Old Testament usage of the term (see Deuteronomy 24; Isaiah. 50:1; Jeremiah 3:8) means “to cut off.” The NT usage (apoluo) means “to loose from, to put from, put away, send, release, or dismiss.” Fundamentally, the concept of divorce means the severing of the covenantal relationship that previously existed
Here are 10 Bible Verses on divorce which hopefully can help us gain a better understanding on the topic.
10 Bible Verses About Divorce
Romans 7:2-3
For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. So then if, while her husband is living, she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress, though she is joined to another man.
Malachi 2:14-15
"Yet you say, 'For what reason?' Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. "But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then, to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth.
Ephesians 5:33
Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.
Matthew 19:6
"Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."
Matthew 5:31-32
"And it was said, 'Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce'; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Above, are five of the ten verses on divorce. The other five verses on divorce will be continued on my next blog. As a matter of fact, there are more than ten passages that talked about divorce. I only provided ten out of many passages in the Bible.
A biblical definition of divorce is necessary in order to understand what divorce is thoroughly. According to Steve Clay, LPC, Divorce is a declaration that the promises made concerning covenant companionship are no longer expected, required, or permitted. Old Testament usage of the term (see Deuteronomy 24; Isaiah. 50:1; Jeremiah 3:8) means “to cut off.” The NT usage (apoluo) means “to loose from, to put from, put away, send, release, or dismiss.” Fundamentally, the concept of divorce means the severing of the covenantal relationship that previously existed
Here are 10 Bible Verses on divorce which hopefully can help us gain a better understanding on the topic.
10 Bible Verses About Divorce
Romans 7:2-3
For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. So then if, while her husband is living, she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress, though she is joined to another man.
Malachi 2:14-15
"Yet you say, 'For what reason?' Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. "But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then, to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth.
Ephesians 5:33
Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.
Matthew 19:6
"Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."
Matthew 5:31-32
"And it was said, 'Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce'; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Above, are five of the ten verses on divorce. The other five verses on divorce will be continued on my next blog. As a matter of fact, there are more than ten passages that talked about divorce. I only provided ten out of many passages in the Bible.
Friday, June 10, 2011
What is Annulment?
In my blog entree House Bill No. 1799, I have mentioned the word annulment. So, what is annulment, and how is it different from divorce?
The Free Dictionary (http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/annulment) defined annulment as a judgement by a court that retroactively invalidates a marriage to the date of its formation.
An annulment differs from a Divorce, a court order that terminates a marriage, since it is a judicial statement that there was never a marriage. A divorce, which can only take place where there has been a valid marriage, means that the two parties are no longer Husband and Wife once the decree is issued. An annulment means that the individuals were never united in marriage as husband and wife.
Various religions have different methods for obtaining a church divorce, or annulment, but these procedures have no legal force or effect upon a marriage that complied with the requirements of law. Such a marriage must be legally annulled.
Even if both divorce and annulment allow the spouses to remarry, these two things differ in idea and basis. Annulment assumes that the marriage is void from the beginning. Meaning, it would declare non-existent by the court. The marriage of the couple is declared non effective from the beginning. In annulment, the marriage is legally cancelled and the man and woman are restored to their single status.
So, why am I explaining what annulment is?
In the Philippines, divorce has not yet been approved. However, what we have here is annulment. Unlike divorce, annulment of marriages is allowed by both the Church and State.
Art. 45 of The Family Code of the Philippines states 6 grounds by which the court can annul a marriage.
The grounds for annulment of marriage are:
1. Absence of Parental Consent. A marriage was solemnized and one or the other party was eighteen (18) years of age or over but below twenty-one (21) and consent was not given by the parents, guardian or person having substitute parental authority. The Petition of Annulment must be filed within five (5) years of having attained the age twenty-one. However, if the parties freely cohabited with the other as husband and wife after having reached the age of twenty-one (21) a Petition of Annulment can no longer be filed.
2. Mental Illness. One or the either party was of unsound mind at the moment of the marriage. But if the parties freely cohabited with each other after he or she came to reason the law prohibits the filing of a Petition.
3. Fraud. That the consent of either party was obtained by fraud, unless such party once having knowledge of the fraud freely cohabited with the other as husband and wife. The petition must be filed within five (5) of finding out the facts of the fraud.
4. That the consent of either party was obtained by force, intimidation or undue influence. Except when the same has ceased and the party filing the petition freely cohabited with the other as husband and wife. The injured party must file within five (5) years from the point in time the force, intimidation or undue influence disappeared or came to an end.
5. One or the other party was physically incapable of consummating the marriage, and such incapacity continues and appears to be incurable. The filing of the Petition of Annulment must be filed within five (5) years after the marriage.
6. Either party was at the time of marriage afflicted with a sexually-transmitted-disease (STD) found to be serious and seems to be incurable. This may also constitute fraud. The filing of the Petition of Annulment must be filed within five (5) years after the marriage.
SEPARATION: being separated from your spouse with or without communication is not grounds for annulment. It does not matter how many years you are separated. There is no law that annuls or voids a marriage automatically. Only a judge in a court of law can annul, void or nullify a marriage.
INFIDELITY: is not grounds for annulment.
Sources:
http://jlp-law.com/blog/proposed-divorce-law-in-the-philippines/
http://www.bcphilippineslawyers.com/grounds-for-annulment-of-marriage-in-the-philippines/447/
Thursday, June 9, 2011
...or Not to Legalize?
I have been discussing the negative sides of divorce in my series of blogging. I have also said that the painful, emotional, and bitterness do not usually stop when the divorce process is over. There are still consequences that they would face due to their action.
I believe that in this world, no one wants to feel alone, lonely, helpless, or feel left behind. Divorce can make people feel those things, and it is sad. It is reality, a sad reality.
The negative side of divorce is that it will make you feel alone, emotional, weak, helpless, lack of security, do not have enough money. It may affect your children psychologically. The children are the ones who are going to be greatly affected. They are going to be confused, and it might be traumatic for them. They could bring these traumatic experience until they become adults.
You can read my previous blogs, The Aftermath and The Children Involved, to know more about the consequences of divorce.
Finally, we are clear that divorce has its good and bad sides. Now, the big question here is whether to legalize divorce or not?
If divorce were to be legalized then there would be more lonely people in the world. Think about this, when divorce is legalize people might forget the importance, sacredness of marriage. What will happen with “till death do us part” ? The future generation might think that marriage is just a game. That when it don’t work, just file a divorce and find someone else. They may abuse, and misuse divorce. Isn’t it sad? Moreover, if divorce were to be legalized then the children would get confused because families would be bigger. There are cases wherein a couple who had kids got divorce, and both of them would find another partner and have kids. So, the kids from the first marriage would be confused on who would they call their parents. Second, the way the children were raise would not be as good. Confusing isn’t it?
However, if divorce were remained illegal then the couples would try their very best to save their marriage. Sadly, this is not true for all married couples since there are still cases wherein they would still separate. What I was trying to say is that, they would still try to make it work. By staying together, there is still that chance. No matter how big or small. At least there’s still hope in fixing misunderstandings and other problems between the couple. I believe that time can heal all wounds.
To be honest, I have no firm opinion on this topic. It would be nice if divorce would not be legalized since couples would do everything they could to save their marriage. But, what about those couples who tried their best but their marriage would not really work? Those people who just get physically or emotionally abused by their spouses?
In conclusion, I would say that I would be on the side of legalizing divorce. I think that all we have to do is trust the Faith that the Filipinos have. The Faith and their fear of the Lord would help them make the right decisions.
I believe that in this world, no one wants to feel alone, lonely, helpless, or feel left behind. Divorce can make people feel those things, and it is sad. It is reality, a sad reality.
You can read my previous blogs, The Aftermath and The Children Involved, to know more about the consequences of divorce.
Finally, we are clear that divorce has its good and bad sides. Now, the big question here is whether to legalize divorce or not?
If divorce were to be legalized then there would be more lonely people in the world. Think about this, when divorce is legalize people might forget the importance, sacredness of marriage. What will happen with “till death do us part” ? The future generation might think that marriage is just a game. That when it don’t work, just file a divorce and find someone else. They may abuse, and misuse divorce. Isn’t it sad? Moreover, if divorce were to be legalized then the children would get confused because families would be bigger. There are cases wherein a couple who had kids got divorce, and both of them would find another partner and have kids. So, the kids from the first marriage would be confused on who would they call their parents. Second, the way the children were raise would not be as good. Confusing isn’t it?
However, if divorce were remained illegal then the couples would try their very best to save their marriage. Sadly, this is not true for all married couples since there are still cases wherein they would still separate. What I was trying to say is that, they would still try to make it work. By staying together, there is still that chance. No matter how big or small. At least there’s still hope in fixing misunderstandings and other problems between the couple. I believe that time can heal all wounds.
To be honest, I have no firm opinion on this topic. It would be nice if divorce would not be legalized since couples would do everything they could to save their marriage. But, what about those couples who tried their best but their marriage would not really work? Those people who just get physically or emotionally abused by their spouses?
In conclusion, I would say that I would be on the side of legalizing divorce. I think that all we have to do is trust the Faith that the Filipinos have. The Faith and their fear of the Lord would help them make the right decisions.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
To Legalize...
Divorce is a situation that no one wants to be in. I have been blogging about divorce for a few days. I defined what divorce is, causes of divorce, and I have also discussed the difficulties and consequences one would come across during and even after the divorce process.
I know that I am a little bit biased on this topic and I have been telling you that divorce is bad, I’m against divorce and all that. However, I also believe that in everything, there is a good and a bad side.
I will discuss the pros or the positive side of divorce first. As I have said in my previous blogs, marriages can never be perfect. It is up to the couple on how they handle and keep their relationship strong. The positive side of divorce is when one of the people is too tired, too weak, and too abused both physically or emotionally. These are times that we say enough is enough! It is not healthy to stay in a relationship that would just hurt you, or bring you down. It is tiring when only one person is trying to save the relationship. It is stressful and tiring when only one person makes an effort. In addition, it would hurt the person a lot, since you do not feel that he/she loves you anymore. It would be stupid to stay in a relationship that does not work and hurts you emotionally or sometimes physically. It would only make you feel depress, frustrated, angry and sometimes a failure. These things could lead to a helplessness or depression. What’s the point of staying when all you get is argument, fighting, getting hurt and abused.
So, why am I saying this? I am saying this to awaken people that divorce is need if and only if one is in those kinds of impossible situation. However, the couple should still try their very best to save their marriage. Remember, divorce is always the last option. Divorce is only the key when one does not feel happy in the relationship anymore. When he/she gets hurt. People get married because they are in love with each other. So, my point is, why stay if you do not feel loved or love the person anymore. Divorce is a chance to find that love again. Unfortunately, from another person.
When one has undergone and conquered divorce from a man or a woman who just hurts him or her then one would have a brand new life. A life that one would build from scratch. Does not sound good doesn’t it? Well, I think this “brand new life” is a better than before - abused, hurting, full of arguments and fights. At least, in this new life you have your freedom, and to be free from stress! Free from yelling, shouting, fighting and arguing.
In this new life, one should be responsible enough to live it well, and not to commit the same mistakes again.
I’ll continue this blog, and be discussing the negative side of divorce.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
House Bill No. 1799
For the past few days, I’ve been talking about divorce. If you are wondering why, it is because there is a controversial proposed divorce bill that is being debated here in the Philippines. The divorce issue took the spotlight from the RH Bill debate which is still left unresolved. The debate, on both issues RH Bill and Divorce Bill, is between the Church and the government.
The full text of the Divorce Bill that I was talking about can be found here:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/35768034/GABRIELA-PARTY-LIST-S-HB-1799-Divorce-Bill
The Philippines is the only country in the world that does not legalize divorce. Interesting isn’t it? If you are wondering why, it is because of the Filipino culture and religion. Filipinos believe that marriage is a sacred union which was done before God. It is a commitment to the law and God. Filipinos and, I believe this is true even to any kind of race in this world, are sad or it breaks their hearts when they hear marriages that breaks up. They would try their best to help resolve and save the marriage of the people they know and love. Their culture, religion and belief keeps married couples together. The dominant religion here in the Philippines is Christianity. The influence of the Church to the Filipinos is so strong that it influences how they think and act.
The interesting thing here is that Italy, which is known as the seat of Roman Catholicism, has already legalized divorce on 1974. Spain, which brought Catholicism in the Philippines, has already legalized divorce on 1981. Poland, which is the birth place of Pope John Paul, has legalized divorce on 1965. In truth, divorce is already permitted in the Philippines only if the parties are Muslim. So, what’s the issue on Religion? Divorce is only permitted for Muslims, while the Non Muslims or Christians are only permitted to have an annulment, which the Catholic Church and the State approves.
As I have said in my previous blogs, I am against divorce. However, if people would ask me if I would support or be against the Divorce Bill, I would say that I would support it. Why? Because knowing that Filipinos are God-fearing and the culture that they have. I strongly believe that they would not dare to file a divorce unless it is necessary. I know that not all Filipinos think this way, but in my point of view, there are cases wherein divorce is really necessary. Divorce is always the Last Option. Unfortunately, there are people who really needs to take this option.
I am not saying that I am supporting divorce, but what I am saying is that people need to have choices. God gave us the gift of free will, and it is our job to choose on the better path.
There are positive and negative points on everything. One of the negative side of legalizing divorce is that people might abuse it. People might forget the sacredness of marriage and take divorce for granted. They might think that marriage is a trial-and-error thing that they would just file a divorce if the marriage would not work.
I will discuss the pros and cons of divorce on my next blog entry.
The full text of the Divorce Bill that I was talking about can be found here:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/35768034/GABRIELA-PARTY-LIST-S-HB-1799-Divorce-Bill
The Philippines is the only country in the world that does not legalize divorce. Interesting isn’t it? If you are wondering why, it is because of the Filipino culture and religion. Filipinos believe that marriage is a sacred union which was done before God. It is a commitment to the law and God. Filipinos and, I believe this is true even to any kind of race in this world, are sad or it breaks their hearts when they hear marriages that breaks up. They would try their best to help resolve and save the marriage of the people they know and love. Their culture, religion and belief keeps married couples together. The dominant religion here in the Philippines is Christianity. The influence of the Church to the Filipinos is so strong that it influences how they think and act.
The interesting thing here is that Italy, which is known as the seat of Roman Catholicism, has already legalized divorce on 1974. Spain, which brought Catholicism in the Philippines, has already legalized divorce on 1981. Poland, which is the birth place of Pope John Paul, has legalized divorce on 1965. In truth, divorce is already permitted in the Philippines only if the parties are Muslim. So, what’s the issue on Religion? Divorce is only permitted for Muslims, while the Non Muslims or Christians are only permitted to have an annulment, which the Catholic Church and the State approves.
As I have said in my previous blogs, I am against divorce. However, if people would ask me if I would support or be against the Divorce Bill, I would say that I would support it. Why? Because knowing that Filipinos are God-fearing and the culture that they have. I strongly believe that they would not dare to file a divorce unless it is necessary. I know that not all Filipinos think this way, but in my point of view, there are cases wherein divorce is really necessary. Divorce is always the Last Option. Unfortunately, there are people who really needs to take this option.
I am not saying that I am supporting divorce, but what I am saying is that people need to have choices. God gave us the gift of free will, and it is our job to choose on the better path.
There are positive and negative points on everything. One of the negative side of legalizing divorce is that people might abuse it. People might forget the sacredness of marriage and take divorce for granted. They might think that marriage is a trial-and-error thing that they would just file a divorce if the marriage would not work.
I will discuss the pros and cons of divorce on my next blog entry.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
The Children Involved
Everyone wants a happy family. No child would want to have their parents separated.
The initial reaction of children towards divorce are different. Some would be in denial and pretend that everything is normal, some would be angry and become rebellious, some would be depressed, some would just be fearful, and some would experience all.
Children are very observant. It is very clear to them whether his parents are acting strange. Studies show that children who experiences questionable adult behavior are the ones who are most at risk for growing up emotional, angry and feels alienated. As I have mentioned in my previous blog, the children’s emotional and even physical needs are disregarded because the parents are focused on their situation. It is a very selfish act. I know that divorce is a very emotional and hard situation to be in. However, I strongly believe that none of this is the child’s fault. The parent do not have to pass on their pain to the child.
During the divorce process, the children does not only suffer losing the idea of having a complete family, but also loses the parents they knew. In addition to that, there are cases wherein the parent is suffering depression since one could not accept the separation. This could cause the parent to abandon the child. This is very selfish and unfair.
There are a lot of downside of divorce to children. Some loses their childhood. They become burdensome with things that they should not even be managing during their age. They are compelled to help and support their single parent by working or doing heavy chores. Some lose their peers because their parent relies on them. They are obliged to accompany and to help their parents recover. These effects causes the child to also lose their self esteem, since the child would have the tendency of thinking that it was their fault why their parents separated. Then, the child would obliged himself to put everything back again. And when he fails, he would feel that he is such a failure and he would blame himself for it.
Divorce would make a child’s life hard. It would make the child fearful of the future, causes the child to be emotionally unstable, and it would also cause the child to experience depression.
The parent should be responsible enough to make sure that he is able to fulfill his child’s needs, and not to even burden to child. It is already hard enough for the child to know that his parents are separated.
Remember, it is going to be more difficult for the child than the parent. If you are considering to separate, think about your child. Think about the massive trauma that could instill to him for the rest of his life.
Friday, June 3, 2011
The Aftermath
It is a big issue to manage and to cope with divorce. The divorcé or divorcée could either be happy or devastated after the divorce.
One of the most common effects of divorce is the financial income. Now, they income flow would not be coming from two pay checks. It would only be coming from a person. This change in cash flow would affect their lifestyle. For instance, they might have to find a more affordable place to live, their children might have to transfer to a public school, and they might not be able to travel like they used to. This will also cause them to cut down their expenses due to reduced income. They might also have to find for extra jobs and to work overtime just to have a decent living.
Second, the couple would have to manage their emotion. After divorce, their lifestyle would totally change. Being a married couple to single. They would have to cope with anxiety, since they would feel like they are starting over again. They would worry about a lot of things that might happen to them. They would also have to cope with guilt, disappointment, anger, weariness, loneliness, and sadness. These feelings are inevitable, since people usually fear when something new happens to them.
The couple, or should I say ex-couple, are not the only ones who are going to be affected. The people who are most close to them would be also affected with the situation.
In every marriage break up, it is the children who are going to be affected the most especially when the situation was not handled properly. Most of the time, the parents are caught up with their situation that they disregard their children’s feelings.
The psychological effect of their parents separation would affect them negatively. They would feel guilty since they think that it was their fault why their parents separated. They would feel embarrassed, insecure, and they will lose confidence since their peers have a whole and happy family, and he has none. This would result to loss of concentration to their studies, and it would affect their attitude and behavior negatively.
According to http://www.childadvocate.net/divorce_effects_on_children.htm, children ages 3 to 5 years old are the ones who will likely exhibit regression. They would develop the fear of custodial separation. While, children ages 61/2 to 8 are the ones who will grieve openly for the departed parent. Children during this stage will have a difficulty on the concept of divorce. Then, children ages 8 to 11 would express anger and powerlessness. These children would express grief, and would have the tendency on labeling who’s the good and the bad parent. Last, children ages 12-18 would respond to the situation with acute depression, suicidal ideation, and violent acting. They would be anxious and fearful about their own future.
Divorce can affect one’s life and the people involved negatively. The consequences of divorce affects the children the most, and it would be hard for everyone to cope on the separation. It can affect people emotionally and psychologically. Divorce is a family affair, which everyone is going to be involved.
Remember, divorce is not always the solution. Try to talk about it and learn to forgive. Try to save your marriage and remember the reason why you married the person. The only relationship that could not and should no be saved is an abusive relationship.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Prevention is the Best Cure
These tips are for both men and women.
First, Before you say “I do!” think first! - Ask yourself, how important is this relationship to me? Do I love him or her? Can I live the rest of my life with this person? If your answers are yes, then commit to yourself that you will really do and mean everything you will vow on your wedding day.
If you are already married, then skip the first step and remember all the good times you had, when you’re in difficult times. Remember the day of your marriage. Remember why you loved him or her. Second, do not add to the problem, but think of a solution. You must deal with the issue IMMEDIATELY. Why? Because if not, the longer you argue, the more irritated you’ll be with your partner. Since, when you are annoyed with someone, everything he or she does will annoy you. When this happen, your argument will be bigger, and problems would just add and add. This will cause an unhealthy relationship. So, confront the problem before it gets worse. Who knows, it might just be a small misunderstanding. Don’t wait for it to get serious. In addition, by doing this you will get more closer to your partner. Since, you are both open to each other.
Third, Spend more time with him or her. Couples should have time for each other. Communication is the key to every healthy relationship. You can start about asking how his or her day. You can watch TV together, or take her out for dinner once in a while. Compliment him or her on how she does things or how good he or she looks. Surprise each other on special occasions. Make time for intimacy. Have a healthy sex life. Say, “ I love you” as much as you can. This is to reassure your partner that you still love him.
Lastly, when all else fails, get a marriage counselor. The counselor could give you tips and pieces of advice that could enlightened you and give you a new perspective in your relationship.
Those are only tips that you can apply to have a healthier and happier relationship. Oh, and remember you can never change a person. You can only change yourself. Accept your partner on who he or she is. You can your partner what you like or what you do not like about him or her NICELY. Think before you act, and remember that your partner is just human. So, treat him or her like one!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
To leave or not to leave?
There could never be a perfect marriage. There are rough times in each relationship. It is normal for couples to argue and disagree with each other. Actually, it is somehow healthy for couples to argue. However, there are times wherein they would not agree on everything, and everything would just fall apart. This could lead to a hopeless situation wherein they would have to break up. Sadly, it is not always a happily ever after.
There are numerous reason why people break up and leads to divorce. Each couple has their story. There are hundreds of different reasons from couples who got separated. In some cases, there is not just one reason but a couple of overlapping reasons why they separated.
According to http://www.buzzle.com/articles/common-causes-and-reasons-for-divorce.html, the most common causes of divorce are communication problems, financial issues, physical abuse, substance abuse, drug, alcohol and gambling problems, marital infidelity, sexual problems, abandonment, emotional abuse, inability to manage or resolve conflict, differences in personal and career goals, different expectations, interference from parents or in-laws, lack of maturity, intellectual incompatibility, falling out of love, religious conflict, cultural and lifestyle differences, mental instability, criminal behavior, incompatibility and the list goes on.
Those were just some of the most common causes of divorce. As I have mentioned in my previous entry, having a divorce is a very serious decision that one would make. Divorce would definitely change one’s life 360 degrees. It would mean, goodbye happy family and back to single life.
Personally, I am against divorce. Divorce means that a person would separate or leave the person he or she loved years ago. Divorce means that one would disunite with the man or the woman that he or she married. First, I would define what marriage is. Marriage, to me, is being united with the one you love til death. It is a commitment, not only to the law but also to God. Committing to yourself with another person. “For better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, ‘til death do us part.” It also means becoming one. I do not get the point nor understand why two people should leave. For me, If they really love each other, why wont they fight for it til the end? Nobody’s perfect! Everyone has their flaws. And I believe that if you love someone, you will love him or her unconditionally. However, there are cases wherein you would hear yourself saying, “I can’t take it anymore!” Enough is enough! Sometimes, you have tried your best to save the relationship, however your partner does not want to or is not helping. There are also cases wherein you do not really love the person you married. It was just because your parents told you so.
Again, I am against divorce. As much as possible, I do not like people having divorce. However, there are cases wherein I would agree on it. Especially when someone is already abused. It would be stupid to stay in the relationship and get hurt.
There are numerous reason why people break up and leads to divorce. Each couple has their story. There are hundreds of different reasons from couples who got separated. In some cases, there is not just one reason but a couple of overlapping reasons why they separated.
According to http://www.buzzle.com/articles/common-causes-and-reasons-for-divorce.html, the most common causes of divorce are communication problems, financial issues, physical abuse, substance abuse, drug, alcohol and gambling problems, marital infidelity, sexual problems, abandonment, emotional abuse, inability to manage or resolve conflict, differences in personal and career goals, different expectations, interference from parents or in-laws, lack of maturity, intellectual incompatibility, falling out of love, religious conflict, cultural and lifestyle differences, mental instability, criminal behavior, incompatibility and the list goes on.
Those were just some of the most common causes of divorce. As I have mentioned in my previous entry, having a divorce is a very serious decision that one would make. Divorce would definitely change one’s life 360 degrees. It would mean, goodbye happy family and back to single life.
Personally, I am against divorce. Divorce means that a person would separate or leave the person he or she loved years ago. Divorce means that one would disunite with the man or the woman that he or she married. First, I would define what marriage is. Marriage, to me, is being united with the one you love til death. It is a commitment, not only to the law but also to God. Committing to yourself with another person. “For better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, ‘til death do us part.” It also means becoming one. I do not get the point nor understand why two people should leave. For me, If they really love each other, why wont they fight for it til the end? Nobody’s perfect! Everyone has their flaws. And I believe that if you love someone, you will love him or her unconditionally. However, there are cases wherein you would hear yourself saying, “I can’t take it anymore!” Enough is enough! Sometimes, you have tried your best to save the relationship, however your partner does not want to or is not helping. There are also cases wherein you do not really love the person you married. It was just because your parents told you so.
Again, I am against divorce. As much as possible, I do not like people having divorce. However, there are cases wherein I would agree on it. Especially when someone is already abused. It would be stupid to stay in the relationship and get hurt.
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